A maid decided it was time to demand a raise, so she went directly to the Lady of the house’s private study
Maid: “I’d like a raise.”
Mrs. Smith: “Why do you think you deserve a raise?
Maid: “Three reasons. First, I can cook better than you.”
Mrs. Smith: “Who told you that?”
Maid: “Your husband. Second, I clean better than you.”
Mrs. Smith: “Who told you that?”
Maid: “Your husband. Third, I’m better in bed than you are.”
Mrs. Smith: “I suppose my husband said that, too?”
Maid: “No, the gardener.”
Mrs. Smith: “How much do you want?”
Do you mind if I sit beside you?” The girl replied with a loud voice, “NO, I DON ‘T WANT TO SPEND THE NIGHT WITH YOU!” All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly embarrassed.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy ‘s table and said, “I study psychology, and I know what a man is thinking. I guess you felt embarrassed, right?”
The guy then responded with a loud voice, “$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT ‘S WAY TOO MUCH!”
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy stood and whispered in her ear, “I study law, and I know how to screw people.”
Some Silly Jokes
Did you hear about the guy who invented the door knocker? He got the no-bell prize.
I was thinking about learning Braille, but it’s a little bit of a touchy subject.
I don’t trust stairs. They’re up to something.
I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
Oxygen and magnesium got together. Omg!
I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not sure.
Now some Math Puns
Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
How do you keep warm in a cold room?
You go to the corner because it’s always 90 degrees.
Why did the circle go to the gym?
To get in shape.
What did the calculator say to the student?
You can always count on me.
What do you call friends who love math?
Alge-BROS.
Widower at the World Cup Final
It’s the World Cup Final, and a man makes his way to his seat right next to the pitch. He sits down, noticing that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks the guy on the other side of the empty seat if someone will be sitting there. The guy shakes his head and says, “No. The seat’s empty.” The man can’t believe what he’s hearing. “Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Final and not use it?” The other guy says, “Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This will be the first World Cup Final we haven’t been to together since we got married.” The man says, “I’m so sorry to hear that, buddy. That’s terrible… But couldn’t you find someone else to come with you? A friend, a relative, or even a neighbor to take her seat?” The man shakes his head. “No,” he says. “They’re all at the funeral.”
Golf Wife
Tim decided to tie the knot with his long-time girlfriend. One evening, after the honeymoon, he was out in the garage organizing his golfing equipment. His wife came to the door and after a long period of silence, she said, “Tim, I’ve been thinking, now that we’re married, maybe it’s time you quit golfing. You spend so much time on the course. I’m sure you could probably get a good price for your clubs.” Tim got a horrified look on his face. His wife said, “Darling, what’s wrong?” Tim shook his head and said, “For a minute there, you started to sound like my ex-wife.” “Ex-wife!” she screamed, “I didn’t know you were married before!” He gave her a pointed look and said, “I wasn’t.”
I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. If you have any good jokes, please send them to me. Thanks.
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