A nice, calm and respectable lady went into the pharmacy, walked up to the pharmacist; looked straight into his eyes, and said,
“I’d like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady replied, “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacist’s eyes got big and he explained, “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to kill your husband, that’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
An actor had been out of work for 15 years because he always forgot his lines. Then one day he got a phone call from a director who wanted him for a big part in a play.
All he had to say was, “Hark! I hear the cannon roar! After much worry, the actor decided to take the role.
Opening night arrived, and while he waited in the wings, the actor muttered to himself “Hark! I hear the cannon roar! Hark! I hear the cannon roar! The time for the entrance finally came, and as the actor made his appearance, he heard a loud brooooom! He turned around and said, “what the hell was that?
A young driver became lost in a snowstorm. The teenager didn’t panic, however, because he remembered what his dad had once told him. “If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snowplow to come by and follow it.”
Sure enough, pretty soon, a snowplow came by, and
he started to follow it. He followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally, the driver of the truck got out and
asked the teen what he was doing. And he explained that his dad had told him if
he ever got stuck in a snowstorm, to
follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, “Well, I’m done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me
over to Best Buy now?”