When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of an emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.
I went for a job interview today and the interviewer asked me, “What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?”.
I said, “Well, my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what’s real from what’s not.”
They then asked, “And your strengths?”
I said, “I’m Batman.”
Fred was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young pullets and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs.
He kept records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was replaced.
This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to his roosters.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons Jokes – 105”
“If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?” “Pilgrims.”
“I thought the dryer was shrinking my clothes. Turns out it was the refrigerator all along.”
“How does dry skin affect you at work?” “You don’t have any elbow grease to put into it.”
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons Jokes – 104”
A man we’ll call “Egon Tusk” had just become the CEO of a large tech company.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons Jokes – 103”
A waiter gives a gentleman a cup of coffee. The gentleman takes a sip and spits it out.
He turns to the waiter and says, “Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud!”
The waiter, looking surprised, turns to the gentleman and says, “But, sir, it’s fresh ground.”
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons Jokes – 101”
Why are cats bad storytellers?
Because they only have one tail.
If it’s raining cats and dogs. Don’t step in the poodles.
Cat’s ears are designed to allow the human voice to go in one ear and out the other.
Continue reading “Technical Jokes and Cartoons Jokes – 100”
Three musicians are killed in an automobile accident. They arrive together at the pearly gates, where they are greeted by Saint Peter.
“Hello,” says Saint Peter. “I suppose you’d like to get into Heaven!”
“Yes, we would,” says the first musician, a band director.
“Well, there’s just a little test you have to take. Nothing too difficult. Related to your earthly profession,” says Saint Peter.
“OK,” says the band director, “I’m ready.”
“How do you tune your band?” asks Saint Peter.
My wife and I went to the restaurant for the first time in ages. The Waiter said, “I am sorry, but we are so busy tonight.” Would you mind waiting for a bit?” I said, “No problem.” He said, “Good, now take these drinks to table 7.”
I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast any time” so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
An elderly man is stopped by the police around 2 a.m. and is asked where he is going at this time of night.
The man replies, “I am on my way to a lecture about alcohol abuse and the effects it has on the human body, as well as smoking and staying out late.”
The officer then asks, “Really? Who is giving that lecture at this time of night?” The man replies, “That would be my wife.”
My math teacher called me average.
Now that’s mean!
