A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.

However, the boy is very small, and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring.

Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”

To which the boy replies, “Now we run like Hell!”

Seasonal jokes

Q: What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?
A: Snowflakes.

Q: Where does the snowman hide his money?
A: In the snow bank.

Q: What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?
A: A pineapple!

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On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She held up the box and said, “I bet it’s some flowers!”

“That’s right!” shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held up the box and said, “I bet it’s some chocolates!”

“That’s right!” shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son. The teacher held up the box and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.

“Is it wine?” she asked.

“No,” the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.

“Is it champagne?” she asked.

“No,” the boy answered.

“What is it?” she said.

“A puppy!”

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I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

I don’t enjoy computer jokes. Not one bit.

When chemists die, they barium.

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

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What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

They both have the same middle name.

A man walks into a bar and sits on a stool. After being served a beer, the bartender leaves the bar and goes into the back room. The man is alone in the bar, sipping his beer when he hears, “You’re looking pretty good. Have you been working out?” The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone.  

He turns back to his beer and hears the voice again, “That’s a nice shirt. It goes well with your pants.” Again the man looks around and doesn’t see anyone.

When the bartender returns to the bar, the man says, “The funniest damned thing has been going on. Someone seems to be talking to me, but I can’t see anyone.

“Oh that,” says the bartender. “It’s the peanuts. They’re complimentary.”

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