Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 42

cartoon-missing elephantI changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

 

I don’t enjoy computer jokes. Not one bit.

 

When chemists die, they barium.

 

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.

The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”

 

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

 

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

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Automated Emergency Notifications and Response

How to Create a One-Button Emergency Response System

 

Automated Emergency ResponseWhen seconds count, a single-button alert system is essential for your organization’s safety. Whether you need to establish a lockdown or let everyone know about a fire, the rapid notification capability is important.

 

Emergency alert buttons can be placed at various parts of the facility and connected to your IP security system. This means you can provide different responses depending on the location. You can also have unique buttons for specific emergencies. For example, you can respond to a fire or establish a lockdown depending on the button pushed.  Here’s how it works:

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Real-Time IP Camera Systems

IP Cameras and Video Recording System Provide Advanced Features

Video Security SystemsIt was a dark and threatening day. Thunder could be heard in the distance. Fog blanketed the building, weakening the remaining daylight. Strange sounds were heard in the basement, and the security center was called to investigate.

 

The guard walks anxiously along a dark and long hallway. As he turns the corner, he is suddenly confronted by …    

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons-41

cartoon-particlesWhat do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

They both have the same middle name.

A man walks into a bar and sits on a stool. After being served a beer, the bartender leaves the bar and goes into the back room. The man is alone in the bar, sipping his beer when he hears, “You’re looking pretty good. Have you been working out?” The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone.  

 

He turns back to his beer and hears the voice again, “That’s a nice shirt. It goes well with your pants.” Again the man looks around and doesn’t see anyone.

 

When the bartender returns to the bar, the man says, “The funniest damned thing has been going on. Someone seems to be talking to me, but I can’t see anyone.

 

“Oh that,” says the bartender. “It’s the peanuts. They’re complimentary.”

 

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Advanced Door Access Control

The Intelligent Access Control System

This is certainly not your father’s door control systems.

 

Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to push a button to initiate campus-wide lockdown? What about integrating IP door access with your IP surveillance system, or controlling what floor a person can go to in the elevator? Or, maybe you would like to use the access system as a visitor management system? Well, the latest network-attached access control systems provide these advanced features as well as many others that can make it easier to control security.

 

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IP Camera Motion Stabilization

How IP Camera Image Stabilization Works

IP Camera StabilizationHave you ever tried to take a snapshot of something that’s far away? When you are using a long distance lens (higher focal point), you probably found it hard to keep the camera steady.

 

The higher the focal length of the lens, the more difficult it is to stabilize the image. This problem is especially significant with very long-range IP camera. When a surveillance camera is mounted on a swaying pole, or on a ship at sea, movement can affect the quality of the video. Image stabilization is used in IP cameras to reduce the effects of this motion. 

 

This article describes the various mechanisms used to stabilize an IP surveillance camera.

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons-40

Math cartoon A physicist, an engineer, and a mathematician are all locked in separate burning buildings.

 

The physicist runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.

 

The engineer pulls out a calculator, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, runs and finds 10 times that amount, puts out the fire, and survives.

 

The mathematician runs to a chalkboard, calculates exactly how much water he will need to put out the fire, declares, “There IS a solution!”, and then burns to death.

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Teacher: “If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?”

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How to Connect Audio to Networks and IP Cameras

Did you ever want to yell at someone you see on your video surveillance display? Maybe you want to tell them to get away from your parking lot or to yell at an intruder that the police are coming.  Perhaps you would like to talk to someone at your door? Then you could let the delivery man enter the back door at your office.

 

IP audio interface systems provide connections to speakers for paging or intercom devices. This article describes how audio can be added to your network or IP camera system.

 

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons-39

Cartoon-Who said "Oops?"There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators.

Steven Wright

 

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

Steven Wright

 

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it’s going to be up all night.

Steven Wright

 

The bird, the bee, the running child are all the same to the sliding glass door.

Demetri Martin

 

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

Demetri Martin

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Security Provided by Access Control Systems

What You Can Do to Improve Security

With all the gun-related tragedies at schools and other facilities, what can we do to increase our security? Securing your facility, school, sporting events, or concerts have become more complicated.

Access Control Systems

IP camera systems used to be enough to monitor the facility, but today we want to do a lot more.  We want to prevent unauthorized access to our buildings, prevent people from bringing in weapons, and we want to provide campus-wide paging systems that keep everyone informed of any emergency.  

 

Access control systems include more than just a door reader. They can include intercoms, cameras and even walk-through metal detectors. Each of these security systems adds another level of safety. The different components play unique roles in your overall security. This article reviews the various parts and when to use them. It provides guidance about what technology to use and an overview of how they work.

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