Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 44

cartoon-fossils-deviceSave early, save often. Used to refer to how to handle your money. Now it refers to anyone who uses a computer.

 

Any science or technology which is sufficiently advanced is indistinguishable from magic. – Arthur C. Clarke

 

Any technology that is distinguishable from magic is not sufficiently advanced. – Gregory Benford

 

Never let a computer know you’re in a hurry. – Anonymous

 

Some days I amaze myself.

Other days I look for my phone while I’m holding it.

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Thermal versus Optical IP Cameras

Applications for Thermal and Optical IP Camera Systems

Thermal and optical IP cameras use different technologies to capture video. Each type of camera system provides a unique role in an IP video surveillance system. Systems that combine thermal and optical cameras provide a synergistic solution for long-range surveillance.

Long-range PTZ camera system

Thermal cameras are better for night viewing since they don’t require any light. The optical IP cameras require daylight or illumination at night and are best for identifying details such as a person’s face or a license plate number.

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 43

On the last day of kindergarten, all the children brought presents for their teacher.

The florist’s son handed the teacher a gift. She held up the box and said, “I bet it’s some flowers!”

“That’s right!” shouted the little boy.

Then the candy store owner’s daughter handed the teacher a gift. She held up the box and said, “I bet it’s some chocolates!”

“That’s right!” shouted the little girl.

The next gift was from the liquor store owner’s son. The teacher held up the box and saw that it was leaking. She touched a drop with her finger and tasted it.

“Is it wine?” she asked.

“No,” the boy answered. The teacher touched another drop to her tongue.

“Is it champagne?” she asked.

“No,” the boy answered.

“What is it?” she said.

“A puppy!”

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How Face Recognition Works in a Crowd

Facial Recognition in a Crowd

face recognition systemsThere are different methods used for matching facial biometrics. The simplest method measures various features of a person’s face, such as the distance between the eyes, or the position of the mouth to the nose.  These geometric measurements or vectors are then coded and stored in a database for later comparison. This type of system is usually used in biometric door access control readers

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IP Cameras Price Versus Performance

Selecting the Right IP CameraHow much should you expect to pay for your IP camera?  IP cameras range in price from under $200 to over $1000.

 

Since the price depends on what you need, you should always make sure you understand your objectives. For help in defining your requirements, take a look at our article, Defining Your Objectives.

 

Price varies with performance. The least expensive cameras have fixed lenses. Do you need a camera for a small room or an outdoor camera that can recognize a person over 300 ft. away? The more expensive cameras include variable lenses that you can adjust from your computer. Some high-performance very low-light outdoor cameras can see things by starlight.

 

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 42

cartoon-missing elephantI changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.

 

I don’t enjoy computer jokes. Not one bit.

 

When chemists die, they barium.

 

Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.


The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.

After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”

After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”


 

I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.

 

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.

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Automated Emergency Notifications and Response

How to Create a One-Button Emergency Response System

 

Automated Emergency ResponseWhen seconds count, a single-button alert system is essential for your organization’s safety. Whether you need to establish a lockdown or let everyone know about a fire, the rapid notification capability is important.

 

Emergency alert buttons can be placed at various parts of the facility and connected to your IP security system. This means you can provide different responses depending on the location. You can also have unique buttons for specific emergencies. For example, you can respond to a fire or establish a lockdown depending on the button pushed.  Here’s how it works:

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Real-Time IP Camera Systems

How to create a real-time IP camera system

Video Security SystemsIt was a dark and threatening day. Thunder could be heard in the distance. Fog blanketed the building, weakening the remaining daylight. Strange sounds were heard in the basement, and the security center was called to investigate.

 

The guard walks anxiously along a dark and long hallway. As he turns the corner, he is suddenly confronted by …    

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons-41

cartoon-particlesWhat do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?

They both have the same middle name.


A man walks into a bar and sits on a stool. After being served a beer, the bartender leaves the bar and goes into the back room. The man is alone in the bar, sipping his beer when he hears, “You’re looking pretty good. Have you been working out?” The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone.  

 

He turns back to his beer and hears the voice again, “That’s a nice shirt. It goes well with your pants.” Again the man looks around and doesn’t see anyone.

 

When the bartender returns to the bar, the man says, “The funniest damned thing has been going on. Someone seems to be talking to me, but I can’t see anyone.

 

“Oh that,” says the bartender. “It’s the peanuts. They’re complimentary.”

 

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