Technical Jokes and Cartoons-49

Cartoon Harris- Black-HolesA man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him in the head with a frying pan.

 

‘What was that for?’ the man asked. The wife replied,

 

‘That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket’.

 

The man then said ‘When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.’ The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

 

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon regaining consciousness, the man asked why she had hit again.

 

Wife replied. ‘Your horse phoned’

 

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How Door Access Control Works

How the Door Reader, credential and access control software work

Door access controlDoor access control has become a very important part of our security structure. The door readers control the electric lock and determine who enters the building.

 

The readers use credentials which can be cards that fit in your wallet, or thick lanyard cards with holes that can be worn around your neck, or keyfobs that attach to your keyring. The latest door readers can also use your smartphone to open the door. The most secure credentials are your biometric attribute. Your face or fingerprint provides accurate identification of you rather than the credential you carry.

 

This article describes how door access control systems work.

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How to Increase Security in an Apartment Building

Apartment Building Technology for Security

Apartment Building Security Network attached security devices can provide walls of defense that increase safety in apartment buildings. Security can be provided by a number of different IP technologies such as door access control, IP camera systems, and IP intercoms and paging systems. Much like the walls of a castle, they provide increased safety and security.

 

Here is a summary of the lines of defense established by security technology:

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons 48

Cartoon-Dinosaur BonesA priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.

However, the boy is very small, and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring.

Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”

To which the boy replies, “Now we run like Hell!”

 

Seasonal jokes

Q: What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?
A: Snowflakes.

 

Q: Where does the snowman hide his money?
A: In the snow bank.

 

Q: What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?
A: A pineapple!

 

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Mobile Panic Buttons for Business, Schools, and Healthcare

How Mobile Personal Emergency Buttons Work

The latest mobile panic buttons are designed for business, education, healthcare, hotels, and other organizations.  The mobile panic button provides advanced capability and operates through cell phone services so are not tethered to one location. They can be used anywhere there is a phone connection.

panic buttons concept

The new panic buttons have key features designed for business applications. The features include GPS locating, monitored travel, two-way conversations, silent monitoring of audio, operate anywhere, and include a flexible safety center.  The safety response center can be any place you choose. It is not tied to any specific service. You can establish a response center in your corporation, at the hospital, in your school, or hotel. Historically, panic buttons were used for medical emergencies in the home. These panic button systems were generally tied to a specific emergency answering service that helped to verify and provide emergency response.  Here’s how the new mobile panic buttons are used in business, schools and commercial organizations.

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What is the Best Camera for IP Camera Systems

Comparison of Surveillance Cameras for Your IP Camera Systems

Comparison of IP CamerasTo determine the best surveillance camera, you must first understand your objectives.  The purposes of your surveillance system include increased safety, reduced theft, improved productivity, or reducing liability. It also includes how quickly you need to be notified of an alarm condition.

 

Do you want to know when a person steals the laptop from the desk or leaves an unattended package, or do you need to record what happens in the parking lot?

 

This comparison of IP cameras focuses on the cameras. The camera is only one part of the IP camera system. The complete surveillance system includes a video recording and management system, network switches, and video storage system.

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons 47

Cartoon Brain-FullWi-Fi went down during family dinner tonight. One of the kids started talking and I didn’t know who she was.

 

Don’t you hate it when you pack the family into the VR room for some recreational virtual time travel, and the damn kids keep asking, “Are we then yet?”

 

My email password has been hacked. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename the cat.

 

I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.

 

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a jellyfish? One is a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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Panic Buttons and Security

How to Integrate Panic Buttons into Your Security System

Panic buttons for Active Shooter SituationsPanic buttons can be added to security systems to increase safety and security. For example, these alarm buttons can be integrated into a security system such as surveillance camera systems, Paging systems, and door access control systems. Placing panic buttons in strategic areas can help to assure quick response to emergencies. There is even a mobile personal panic button that can be carried with you.

 

Emergencies occur without warning. It could be a health problem, an active shooter situation, or a criminal attack. The panic button provides rapid emergency notification. Here’s how to add panic buttons to security systems.

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Abbreviations and Acronyms of Computers and Security

Glossary of Abbreviations and Acronyms used in the security business

Security Abbreviations and AcronymsWhen I started working for IBM many years ago, all the new employees had to go to training classes. They taught us all about their products. I found that I not only had to learn about their technology but also about the abbreviations and acronyms they used.

 

When I left IBM to work at another engineering company, I learned that many of the abbreviations I learned at IBM were not used in the general industry. I had to learn a new set of abbreviations and acronyms. You may have also noted that the government has their own language.

 

Here are examples of some technical abbreviations and acronyms:

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons 46

Comments from George Carlin

Cartoon-the Pi-Piper

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

 

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

 

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

 

If we could just find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.

 

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

 

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.

 

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

 

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