Technical Jokes and Cartoons-29

cartoon-clouds2Question to IT Help Desk

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 , and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0 , MONEY 3.0 and ESPN 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?


The IT Help Desk Responds

DEAR Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

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How ALPR Works

How Automated License Plate Recognition (ALPR) Works


ALPR-Camera-License-ReaderYou may not have realized it, but Automated License Plate Recognition (ALPR) technology is all around us. It is used for toll collecting, to control access to parking lots and even to capture criminals. The technology has improved over the years and has become more economical.


Besides the analytic software that converts the image to computer characters, the system requires a good IP camera. It also requires proper lighting and the correct physical placement of the camera. The analytic conversion software is similar to optical character recognition (OCR) software.  ALPR is available as a standalone LPR system or included as an option with some IP camera video management systems.

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How IP Powered Speakers Work

IP powered speakers connect to a PoE type network switch.

PA-over IP-powered-speakers-illustration


The speakers include built in amplifiers. They use PoE, so no additional power connections are required. Just plug the speaker into your network switch.


Each speaker can be addressed individually by the paging software. You can make a page to a single speaker, a group of speakers, or to all the speakers on the network.  These IP powered speakers are very easy to install and provide excellent flexibility.   

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons-28

cartoon-wheel-protestI changed my password to “incorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say “Your password is incorrect”.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


We just got a fax. At work. We didn’t know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.


Tonight’s Procrastinators Anonymous meeting has been postponed to tomorrow


The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you’re not in shape, it’s too far to walk back

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How Does Facial Recognition Work?

Facial recognition systems are now available as part of video recording software systems.

facial recognitionThe Technology for Facial Recognition


There are a two primary methods for capturing and matching facial information.  


The first measures various features of a person’s face, such as distance between the eyes, or the position of the mouth to the nose.  These geometric measurements or vectors are then stored in a database for later comparison. 


The second method is far more complex.  It captures the full facial image, and uses as much information as it can. It then uses various computer algorithms, including machine learning, to build a set of definition data.  This statistical database increases the reliability, as well as the cost of the system. 


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What is the Best IP Camera Recording System

There are NVRs and VMS Recording Systems, but what is best for your IP camera system?


video recording servers-ocularisThe video recording system is a key part of the total IP camera system. There are many solutions available, but what is the best one for your application?  Most NVRs, video management software systems, or even a cloud system will provide basic video recording. But, if you want to support many cameras at multiple sites, you need a more advanced system.


This article helps you determine the best recording system for your application. It compares simple systems that are used for a handful of cameras, to complex systems that can handle thousands of cameras at multiple sites. Your total system requirements will determine the best video recording system.

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons-27

cartoon-bluetoothHow to translate responses from your boss:

I’ll look into it.     =   I’ve already forgotten about it.

I tried my best.     =   I did the bare minimum.

Happy to discuss further.     = Don’t ask me about this again.

No worries. = You really messed up this time.

Take care. = This is the last you’ll ever hear from me.



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What is an Explosion Proof Camera?

explosion proof IP cameraAn explosion proof camera is one that can be used in a hazardous potentially explosive environment.  This means that the camera system will not cause an explosion, rather than survive an explosion outside the enclosure.  The cameras used in these environments are designed to prevent ignition of the surrounding gases or dust.  They will either contain any explosion within the device, or prevent sparks exiting the device and triggering an explosion.  


Normally, we don’t worry about sparks.  For example, a household light switch may emit a small, harmless visible spark when switching. In an ordinary atmosphere, this arc is of no concern, but if a flammable vapor is present, the arc might cause an explosion. Explosive environments can be found in a number of places such as oil and gas tankers, chemical processing plants, hospital operating theaters, aircraft refueling and hangers, coal mines or oil refineries, sewage treatment plants, grain handling, sugar refineries, and printing industry.  These environments, can contain flammable gases such as acetone, propane, methane, hydrogen, or coal dust.  

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Access Control Software

Cloud Versus On Site License for Access Control


cloud-access controlMany software applications are offering cloud based, subscription software rather than on site (or on-premise) license software.  For example, Microsoft 365 and Adobe provide cloud based, subscription plans. Recently Door Access Control software has become available in the cloud.  What exactly does this mean and what is better for you?  The article compares the two methods, and provides pros and cons that can help you decide what is best.


What is the difference between cloud and on premise software? On site software is the classic model of providing a perpetual license that allows you to run the software on your own computer.  Cloud software runs on a remote server and is provided under a monthly or yearly subscription plan.   For example, there is on premises door access software called Pure Access Manager The cloud application is called Pure Access Cloud.

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 26

Customer service jokes:


If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2.


While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back 
in 20 minutes. The woman asked, “Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?”




When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, “Marc, with a C.” Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.

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