Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 107

A new camp commander was appointed and while inspecting the place, he saw 2 soldiers guarding a bench.
He went over there and asked them why they guard it.
“We don’t know. The last commander told us to do so, and so we did. It is some sort of regimental tradition!”
He searched for the last commander’s phone number and called him to ask him why did he want guards on this particular bench.

“I don’t know. The previous commander had guards, and I kept the tradition.”
Going back another 3 commanders, he found a new 100-year-old retired General.
“Excuse me, sir. I’m now the CO of the camp you commanded 60 years ago. I’ve found 2 men assigned to guard a bench. Could you please tell me more about the bench?”
“What?! Is the paint still wet?!”

A Long Joke

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple was involved in a fatal car accident.

The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
While waiting they began to wonder; could they possibly get married in Heaven?
When St. Peter arrived, they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said,
“I don’t know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me go find out,” and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer… for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect of it all?
“What if it doesn’t work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?”
Yet another month passed before St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat bedraggled.
“Yes,” he informed the couple, “You can get married in Heaven.”
“Great!” said the couple.
“But we were just wondering; what if things don’t work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?”
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
“What’s wrong?” asked the frightened couple.
“OH, COME ON!” St. Peter shouted.
“It took me 3 months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it’ll take to find a lawyer?!

Pilot and Maintenance Discussions

We dug up a few actual (or at least claimed to be) logged maintenance complaints by QANTAS pilots and the corrective action recorded by mechanics.

Problem: Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.
Solution: Autoland not installed on this aircraft.

Problem: Dead bugs on windshield.
Solution: Live bugs on backorder.

Problem: Something loose in cockpit.
Solution: Something tightened in cockpit.

Problem: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
Solution: Evidence removed.

Problem: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Solution: That’s what they’re there for!

Some Medical Jokes

Q: What’s the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer?
A: The taste.

Q: What did the banana say to the nurse?
A: I’m here to see the doctor. I am not peeling well.

Q: What did the nurse say when the doctor decided to stay home?
A: “Suture self!”

Q: When is the worst time to have a heart attack around a nurse?
A: During a game of charades!

Q: Why was the nurse angry?
A: She ran out of patients.

Q: What did the patient say when the nurse informed him that he had acute appendix?
A: “Compared to whom?”

Some Silly Ones

“Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.”

“Did you hear about the actor who fell through the floorboards?
He was just going through a stage.”

“How do you keep a bagel from getting away?
Put lox on it.”

“What do you call a parade of rabbits hopping backwards?
A receding hare-line.”

No Man is an Island

by John Donne

No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thy friend’s
Or of thine own were:
Any man’s death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.