Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 114

Sam died and left $50,000 in his will for an elaborate funeral.

As the last attenders left, Sam’s wife, Rose, turned to her oldest friend, Sadie, and said: “Well, I’m sure Sam would be pleased.” “I’m sure you’re right” replied Sadie, who leaned in close and lowered her voice to a whisper: “tell me, how much did it really cost?” “All of it” said Rose. “50,000.” “No!” Sadie exclaimed.”
I mean, it was very nice, but really…….$50,000?” Rose nodded. “The funeral was $6500. I donated $500 to the synagogue. The food and drinks for another $500. And the rest went towards the memorial stone.”

Sadie computed quickly: “$42,500 for a memorial stone? Exactly how big is it?” “Seven and a half carats.”

Some Thoughts

Great hide and seek players are hard to find.
I’m taking steps to overcome my hiking addiction. I’m not out of the woods yet.
My landlord wants to talk about my high heating bills. I told him my door is always opened.
When you dream in color, it’s a pigment of your imagination.
Inspecting mirrors is a job I really see myself doing.
I went to the paint store to get thinner.
It didn’t work.
I wear memory foam insoles to remember why I walked into the next room.
I made a chicken salad last night. Apparently the prefer grain.
The doctor said I have high nitrates, so I’m switching to day rates.
Do racehorses slow down when the see police horses?
Please cancel my subscription to your issues.

The Good Game

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 9-year-old baseball players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”
“Yes, coach” replied the little boy.
“Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?”
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn’t argue, curse the umpire, or call him an a**hole. Do you understand all that?”
Again, the little boy nodded in the affirmative.
The coach continued, “And when I take you out of the game so that another boy gets a chance to play, it’s not an idiot decision or that the coach is crazy is it?”
“No, coach.”
“Good”, said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your grandmother.

A woman called the florist shop to complain.

She had just sent flowers to her daughter who had relocated her business because it was booming and needed to expand.

“I ordered these flowers for her,” the woman said, “and what you delivered had on the card ‘Our Deepest Sympathy.’ What do you have to say?”

There was complete silence.

“Well???” she asked again.

“Sorry,” the florist replied, “I was just thinking of the flowers we sent to the funeral home with the tag ‘Best of Luck in Your New Location.'”

A woman goes to the doctor.

“Doctor, I have this problem with passing gas, but it really doesn’t bother me too much. It never smells, and it’s always silent. As a matter of fact, I’ve passed gas at least 20 times since I was here in your office. You didn’t know I was passing gas because it doesn’t smell, and it’s silent.

The doctor says, “I see. Take these pills and come back to see me next week.”

The following week, the lady goes back. “Doctor,” she says, “I don’t know what you gave me, but now my passing gas… although still silent, it stinks terribly.”

“Good”, the doctor said. “Now that we’ve cleared up your sinuses, we’ll start to work on your hearing.

Some Questions:

Do you know why ducks have flat feet?
No.
From stomping out forest fires!
Do you know why elephants have flat feet?
No.
From stomping out burning ducks.

I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes. If you have any jokes to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.

Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.

Bob Mesnik