Elderly Friends got together for a regular poker game night.
During a break between rounds, one friend tells the other:
HEY JIM, YOUR MEMORY SKILLS GOT SHARPER. WHAT MEDS ARE YOU TAKING?
Jim smiles and says:
NO MEDS. I STARTED GOING TO MEMORY IMPROVEMENT SCHOOL. WANT ME TO TELL YOU THE SCHOOL’S NAME?
All the men at the table eagerly shake their heads “Yes.”
Jim says:
IT’s CALLED… (starts snapping his fingers) WHAT DO YOU CALL THAT FLOWER….THE. ONE WITH THORNS…
One of the men says: YOU MEAN ROSE?
Jim says: YES. THAT’S IT!
He then turns his head towards the kitchen and yells:
ROSE! ROSIE, HONEY, WHAT IS THE NAME OF THAT MEMORY SCHOOL I GO TO AGAIN?????
A wealthy man in San Diego was an avid bird collector. He had a huge collection of live birds, including every species on Earth.
One day, while browsing through a used bookstore in Oregon, he came across a beautifully illustrated book on birds he’d never seen before, so he bought it. Reading through his new book, he was astonished to come across an entry for a bird he had never heard of before the world-famous and very rare Rarey Bird.
The next morning, the collector checked out of the Explorers Club, took his safari, and set out into the jungle.
The Rarey Bird hunter explained the method for catching a Rarey Bird. He said that what you do is go out into the rainforest and find a fresh “Rarey” Bird path. Then, you tie a string around a tree on one side of the path and hide behind a tree on the opposite side. When a Rarey Bird comes running down the path, you lift the string, the Rarey Bird trips on the string, and you jump up and grab him.
Well, the collector went out into the rainforest and did all that, and he got his Rarey Bird!
But, man, that’s a long way to trip a Rarey!
I told the kids I never wanted to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. So, they unplugged my computer and threw out my wine.
Why are iPhone chargers not called Apple Juice?!
Password looks at itself in the mirror:
“Don’t listen to Google. You are a strong, confident password.”
“A friend of ours was puzzled by the odd messages left on his answering machine. Day after day friends and family would talk and then say, “Beep.” He discovered the reason for the joke when he decided to listen to his greeting. “Hi,” it said. “I’m not in right now, so please leave a beep after the message.”
How does a computer get drunk?
It takes screenshots.
What’s the biggest lie in the entire universe?
“I have read and agree to the Terms & Conditions.”
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Voodoo.
Voodoo who?
Voodoo you think you are, asking me so many questions?
Instead of knocking on the door, use an Intercom. You can find IP Intercoms on our webpage.
“The factory of the future will have only two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog. The dog will be there to keep the man from touching the equipment.” ― Warren G. Bennis
“A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing.” ― Emo Philips
“A computer will do what you tell it to do, but that may be much different from what you had in mind.” ― Joseph Weizenbaum.
“Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” —Will Ferrell.
“First, we thought the PC was a calculator. Then we found out how to turn numbers into letters with ASCII — and we thought it was a typewriter. Then we discovered graphics, and we thought it was a television. With the World Wide Web, we’ve realized it’s a brochure.” ― Douglas Adams.
By Ogden Nash
The people upstairs all practise ballet
Their living room is a bowling alley
Their bedroom is full of conducted tours.
Their radio is louder than yours,
They celebrate week-ends all the week.
When they take a shower, your ceilings leak.
They try to get their parties to mix
By supplying their guests with Pogo sticks,
And when their fun at last abates,
They go to the bathroom on roller skates.
I might love the people upstairs more
If only they lived on another floor.
I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. If you have any good jokes, please send them to me. Thanks.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.
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