During a visit to the mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was that defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
“Well,” said the Director, “we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub.”
“Oh, I understand,” said the visitor. “A normal person would use the bucket because it’s bigger than the spoon or the teacup.
“No.” said the Director, “A normal person would pull the plug.”
“Do you want a room with or without a view?”
Do you know the impact of security breaches? Schools, hospitals, and businesses are affected not only by equipment loss and damage but also by possible injuries and stress caused by criminal intrusion. To learn all the problems caused by intrusions and how to prevent them, read our article, Weighing the Impact of Security Breaches.
An old French lady had a small shop in her village for years until one day a giant corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop.
They put up signs advertising their prices, including one that said:
Butter – 10 francs.
In response, the old lady added a sign to her own window:
Butter – 9 francs.
The next day, the big supermarket had a new sign:
Butter – 8 francs.
Sure enough, the day after, the lady’s sign now read:
Butter – 7 francs.
This went on for a while until, eventually, one of the lady’s customers pointed to the sign and said,
“Madame, you cannot keep your prices so low for long. These big companies can use their buying power to sell products cheaper, but a little store like yours can never compete.”
In response, the old lady bent forward conspiratorially and muttered,
“Monsieur, I don’t even sell butter.”
Anticipated events and expectations. It’s like when you read the mouthwatering description of a dish on a menu, and then it arrives looking like a sad, deflated balloon. Or when you see a beautifully plated meal and expect it to taste like a symphony of flavors, only to be met with a bland, uninspiring bite. But hey, if all these things manage to meet your anticipation, it’s a good day.
Murphy’s Contrary Law states that sometimes things can go wrong, but if everything goes right, you plan well, and it’s a good day.
Law of Completeness: There are no leftover parts when you assemble anything you purchase. It’s like the universe is saying, “Good job.”
The food law of completeness: Some people eat one item at a time while others eat a mix of everything on their plate. The serial eaters eat the peas, and when they are finished, they eat the potatoes and, finally, the meat. This law of completeness is for those who eat a little of each until the plate is empty. The law states that when eating a plate of meat, potatoes, and peas, the correct quantity is placed on the plate so that on the last bite, your plate is clean. If the proportions are right, you had a good meal, and it was a good day.
The law of meetings, or as I like to call it, the ‘Seniority is Always Wrong’ principle, states that the most senior person present always decides what should be done. And in all cases, this decision is as wrong as a penguin trying to fly.
If the one who snores falls asleep first, it’s a long night. If the snorer falls asleep last, it’s a good night.
You can’t push a rope, but you can if it’s frozen.
Law of the committee: Giving a simple problem to a committee will make it unsolvable. It’s a good day if the problem is solved without a committee meeting.
What gets wetter when something else gets dry? A towel. Following this logic, something else must get dirty for something to become clean. Unfortunately, sometimes everything gets dirty without anything getting clean.
You can sometimes win when arguing with an intelligent person, but never when arguing with a fool. It’s a good day when you don’t meet a dummy.
There will come soft rain and the smell of the ground,
And swallows circling with their shimmering sound;
And frogs in the pools singing at night,
And wild plum trees in tremulous white;
Robins will wear their feathery fire,
Whistling their whims on a low fence-wire;
And not one will know of the war, not one
Will care at last when it is done.
Not one would mind, neither bird nor tree,
If mankind perished utterly;
And Spring herself, when she woke at dawn
Would scarcely know that we were gone.
I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. If you have any good jokes, please send them to me. Thanks.
No copyright infringement is intended for these jokes and cartoons. The content is only for your enjoyment.
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