All the jokes are from famous comedians. If you remember Groucho, you are probably in the baby boomer generation, and if you know Ellen DeGeneres then your’e probably a member of the Millennials.
Here’s some from George Carlin. He was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, and author.
I’m not into working out. My philosophy is no pain, no pain.
Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?
I’ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Ellen DeGeneres, is an American comedian, television host, actress, writer, and producer.
‘My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She’s 97 now and we don’t know where the hell she is.’
Jerry Seinfeld, is an American comedian, actor, writer, and producer
It’s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.
Groucho Marx was a comedian, film and movie star who was popular from the 1920’s to the 1960’s. He made many films with his brothers Chico, Harpo and Zeppo.
I sent the club a wire stating, Please accept my resignation I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member
Marriage is the chief cause of divorce
Room service? Send up a larger room.
Steven Wright is an American comedian, writer, actor, and an Oscar-winning film producer. He is known for his deadpan delivery of ironic, philosophical and sometimes nonsensical jokes.
I had to stop driving my car for a while…the tires got dizzy…
Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
I recently moved into a new apartment, and there was this switch on the wall that didn’t do anything…so anytime I had nothing to do, I’d just flick that switch up and down…up and down…up and down….Then one day I got a letter from a woman in Germany…it just said, “Cut it out.”
I put instant coffee in my microwave oven and almost went back in time.
I spilled spot remover on my dog and now he’s gone.
I went to a place to eat. It said “breakfast at any time.” So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
Steven Wright
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