Some interesting Quotes by Winston Churchill
Churchill was born in 1874, fought during WWI, was Prime Minister during WWII and again from 1951 to 1955, and died in 1965, nearly 50 years ago. It’s odd how time moves on, but some things stay the same. He could have been talking about today. The foregoing is as true today as when he said it over his lifetime.
“Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to it.”
“Everyone is in favor of free speech. Hardly a day passes without its being extolled, but some people’s idea of it is that they are free to say what they like, but if anyone else says anything back, that is an outrage.”
“Many forms of government have been tried in this world of sin and woe. No one pretends democracy is perfect or all-wise. Indeed, it has been said that democracy is the worst form of government, except for all those others that have been tried from time to time.”
“A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on.”
A chicken walked into a library, went to the front desk, and told the librarian, “Book.” The librarian was confused. “You want a book?” she asked. The chicken replied, “book.” So the librarian sets a random book on the chicken’s back, and left. A few days later, the chicken reenters the library, looks up at the librarian, and says, “Book book.” The librarian, still confused, puts two books on the chicken’s back, and leaves again. A few more days pass, and the chicken appears again. “Book book book.” The librarian puts three books on the chicken’s back, and the chicken leaves. Out of curiosity, the librarian follows the chicken this time. The chicken leads the librarian through town, a few fields, a forest, and eventually stops at the edge of the swamp. The chicken lays down the books in front of a frog, who replies, “reddit reddit reddit.”
When Noah landed the ark on Mt Ararat, he shooed the animals out, saying, “Go out. Be fruitful and multiply.” All of them left except two snakes. Noah said, “Go on. Be fruitful and multiply.” One of the snakes sobbed, “We can’t. We’re adders.”
Noah thought for a bit and then went out and called the beavers back. “Before you go, can you cut down a few trees and make them into a raised platform?” The beavers complied. Noah went to the adders and told them to have sexual intercourse on top of the platform.
A few weeks later, Noah encountered the snakes, followed by a large brood of their children. “Thank you, Noah”, said one of the snakes. “Even adders can multiply on a log table.”
Pat Murphy was last out of an enormous shopping complex late one night. When he got to the elevator, he saw a sign that read, “Dogs must be carried on the elevator.” My God, he said, where the hell am I going to find a dog at this time of night?
My wife yells from the kitchen, “Do you ever get a shooting pain, like someone’s stabbing a voodoo doll?”
I answered, “No”
She asks, “How about now?”
If a man walks in the forest and his wife is not around to hear him, is he still an idiot?
I tried walking up a hill without a watch but had neither the time nor the inclination.
A farmer has his annual checkup at the doctor’s and says, “Say Doc, there’s something the Missus wanted me to ask you. Lately, our little girl has started playing like she’s a chicken, and the wife is a little worried about it.”
The doctor laughs. “All kids like to pretend, and your girl lives on a farm. Nothing to worry about. She’ll grow out of it.”
“Thanks, Doc, I’ll tell the Missus.”
A few days later, the farmer is back with his wife and daughter. “Doc, can you just look at my girl and talk to my wife? Tell her what you told me. She keeps nagging me about our girl. She says pretending is one thing, but this isn’t normal.”
“Okay, “says the doctor. “Bring her in” The mother comes in with the little girl. The child comes down the hall clucking, and pecking and scratching at the floor . She won’t respond to any questions. The doctor is shocked. “My God, man! This is terrible. How long has she been like this?”
The farmer shuffles his feet and sheepishly admits, “Well, about two years.”
“TWO YEARS? Why didn’t you bring her sooner?”
The farmer and his wife exchange sheepish glances. Then the wife says, “Well, we needed the eggs, and she’s our best layer.”
I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. If you have any good jokes, please send them to me. Thanks.
No copyright infringement is intended for these jokes and cartoons. The content is only for your enjoyment.