What do you call a small piece of bread that moves rhythmically to music?
Abundance
Why did the cat stop moving as soon as it stood up?
Because it was on paws.
Scientists got so bored of watching the Earth spin that after 24 hours,they called it a day.
A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.
As she got to one little girl working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing God.’
The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one knows what God looks like.’
Without missing a beat or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, ‘They will in a minute.’
How did the person who made the first clock know what time it was?
What do you call a cat that eats beans?
Puss ‘n’ Toots!
What do you call a dinosaur fart?
A blast from the past.
I had to leave my cat at the vet for observation after she swallowed a bunch of dimes…
I called to see how she was doing and the vet said there was no change yet…
More thoughts:
The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.
The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
He who hesitates is probably right.
If you think there is good in everybody, you haven’t met everybody.
If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.
The sole purpose of a child’s middle name is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.
When Pope John Paul II died, Saint Peter met him at the pearly gates.
“Welcome, John Paul,” says Peter. “Enter into your rest.”
John Paul begins walking through the gates but stops when he hears a loud ruckus behind him. A huge band of angels, blowing trumpets and cheering, is carrying a man on their shoulders.
“Ah,” thinks John Paul, “That must be one of the great saints! I wonder who he is.”
He walks back and nudges Saint Peter.
“Who is that?” he asks.
“Oh, that’s a lawyer.”
“Really?” says John Paul, a bit confused. “I’m the Pope! And you just waved me in!”
“You don’t understand,” said Peter. “We have a ton of popes. That’s our first lawyer.”
The church needed a new coat of paint, so the Stewardship Committee asked for bids. Jerry, a painter, really needed some work. He quickly put in a low bid to ensure he got the job. Sure enough, his low bid was chosen.
Jerry went to buy the paint and realized his bid was too low. The paint was going to cost more than his bid. Being an enterprising man, Jerry decided to get half as much paint as he needed and add water to it.
He got to work and started painting. It was a big job, and the Committee was impressed by his hard work. When he was nearly finished, the weather report predicted a big storm was coming in. Jerry hurried and completed the job before the storm hit.
As he listened to the rain coming down the night of the storm, he hoped his watered-down paint job would be okay. He rushed over to the church first thing in the morning. When he arrived, the sun peeked through the clouds and shone on the church. All of the watery paint had been washed off!
Jerry was mortified! His plan had failed. What would he do now? He walked around the building, wringing his hands. His shoddy work was apparent for all to see. His reputation as a painter would be ruined, and God’s House looked terrible. The Committee’s money on the new paint job was for nothing. Jerry’s heart was broken.
He knelt and lifted his heart to God. “God, I am sorry! I cheated the church, and I am ruined! What can I do?” Sobbing, he looked up in amazement as he heard God’s voice in answer to his prayer.
“Repaint, and thin no more!”
I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. If you have any good jokes, please send them to me. Thanks.
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