Technical Jokes and Cartoons -126

A hitchhiker had been trying to get a ride for hours with no luck. Finally, a car pulled to a stop. The hitcher ran up, threw his backpack in the back seat, and climbed into the passenger seat.
“Hitching long? “ the driver asked.
“Hours and no one even slowed down,” was the reply.
“Boy, society has changed,” the driver said. “People are so worried and scared now.”
“I hear you,” the hitcher said. “I think they’re afraid of picking up a serial killer.”
When the driver laughed, the hitcher asked, “Didn’t you think about that when you picked me up?”

While still laughing, the driver said, “No way. I mean, what are the odds of two serial killers being in the same car?”

---

What do you call a couple of chimpanzees sharing an Amazon account?
PRIME-mates.

Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.

Name the kind of tree you can hold in your hand.
A palm tree!

Where did the music teacher leave her keys? In the piano!

What did the left eye say to the right eye? Between us, something smells!

Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake.

Which superhero hits runs? Batman!

What is a room with no walls? A mushroom.

Why is a stadium always cold? It has lots of fans!

What did one math book say to the other? “I’ve got so many problems.”

What do you call a tired bull? A bulldozer.

How much did the man sell his dead batteries for? Nothing, they were free of charge!

Some Classic Jokes

 A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, “Are you comfortable?” The man says, “I make a good living.”

I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me!

Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

My wife and I revisited the hotel where we spent our wedding night. This time I was the one who stayed in the bathroom and cried.

My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

A rugged old cowboy from Texas counseled his granddaughter that if she wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on her oatmeal every morning.

The granddaughter did this religiously until the age of 103 when she died.

She left behind 14 children, 30 grandchildren, 45 great-grandchildren, 25 great-great-grandchildren, and a 40-foot hole where the crematorium used to be.

After a long time, I told my hot coworker how I felt. Turns out she felt the same way.

So I turned on the air conditioning.

What kind of dog can stay underwater for a long time?

A subwoofer

What do you call a snake that’s precisely 3.14 meters long?

A π-thon

John, a wealthy 60-year-old man, shows up at the country club one day with his new wife, a smoking hot 22-year-old blonde.

His buddies are amazed. “There is no way someone that young and attractive would agree to marry an old geezer like you. How did you pull it off?”

“It’s simple,” John says, “I lied to her about my age.”

“Did you tell her you were 50?” his friends ask. John shakes his head no.

“There is no way she could believe you were 40”. John shakes his head again.

“So, how old did you tell her you were exactly??”

John smiles and says “85”.

---

I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. If you have any good jokes, please send them to me.  Thanks.

No copyright infringement is intended for these jokes and cartoons. The content is only for your enjoyment.