Technical Jokes and Cartoons-127

He said, “Doctor, every time I try to sleep, I close my eyes and see visions of PVC, copper, steel, and corncob. Am I going mad?!”
The doctor replied, “Relax. You’re just having pipe dreams.”

A new study reveals that women who are slightly overweight live longer
then the men who mention it

After 5 long years of studying, a student comes rushing into Einstein’s office shouting…
“Sir, Sir, I finally understand your theory of Special Relativity!”

Einstein rolls his eyes, “It’s about time.”

A genie appears and offers a guy three wishes.

He says I’m going through a divorce, and my ex’s lawyer is a thieving money grabber. I want all lawyers on the face of the earth to be killed.

Genie says that’s a bit extreme. Are you sure?

The guy says absolutely, they’re all the same. The world would be better off without them.

The genie snaps her fingers and says it’s done. But that’s your last wish.

The guy says hang on, you told me I’d have three wishes.

Genie says so sue me.

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Classic Old Jokes

* A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, “Are you comfortable?” The man says, “I make a good living.”

* I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.

* I’ve been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me!

* Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won’t be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.

* We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

* My wife and I went to a hotel where we got a waterbed. My wife called it the Dead Sea.

* My wife and I revisited the hotel where we spent our wedding night. This time I was the one who stayed in the bathroom and cried.

* My wife was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

Some dad jokes

Why did the banana go to the doctor? It wasn’t peeling well.

What do you call a train full of bubble gum? A chew-chew train.

What do you call a snowman in summer? A puddle!

Why did the picture go to jail? It was framed!

What’s the difference between ice cream and your advice?
I asked for the ice cream.

What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.

A Longer Joke

A man sees a sign in front of a house: “Talking Dog for Sale.”
He rings the bell, and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The man walks around the house and asks the dog, “Can you talk?”
“Yep,” the dog replies.
“So, what’s your story?”
The dog looks up and says, “Well, I discovered my ability to talk when I was young. I wanted to help humanity, so I joined the CIA.”
“I spent years traveling worldwide, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders because no one ever suspected a talking dog. I was awarded numerous medals.”
“After a while, I got tired of the jet-setting life and retired to start a family.”
The man is amazed and asks the owner how much he wants for the dog.
The owner says, “Ten dollars.”
The man is stunned. “Ten dollars? This dog is amazing! Why so cheap?”
The owner replies, “Because he’s a liar. He didn’t do any of that stuff.”

A Poem

To Science
by Lucretia Maria Davidson

Let others in false Pleasure’s court be found,
But may I ne’er be whirled the giddy round;
Let me ascend with Genius’ rapid flight,
Till the fair hill of science meets my sight.
Blest with a pilot who my feet will guide,
Direct my way, whene’er I step aside;
May one bright ray of science on me shine,
And be the gift of learning ever mine.

I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. If you have any good jokes, please send them to me. Thanks.

No copyright infringement is intended for these jokes and cartoons. The content is only for your enjoyment.

Bob Mesnik