Technical Jokes and Cartoons-128

Quotes

Why waste your money looking up your family tree? Just go into politics, and your opponent will do it for you.

~Mark Twain

Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?

~Benny Hill

I asked God for a bike, but I realized that God doesn’t work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

~Emo Philips

By the time a man realizes that his father was right, he has a son who thinks he’s wrong.

~Charles Wadsworth

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.

~Isaac Asimov

Nothing spoils a good story like the arrival of an eyewitness.

~Mark Twain

The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.

~Robert Bloch

A man dies and goes to heaven.
Saint Peter greets him at the Pearly Gates and says, “Welcome to heaven. To enter, you must answer one question: What was the best thing you did on Earth?”
The man thinks for a moment and says, “I once saw a group of bikers harassing a young woman. I walked right up to the leader and punched him in the face, telling him to leave her alone, or he’d have to answer to me!”
Saint Peter is impressed and asks, “When did this happen?”

The man replies, “About five minutes ago.”

Technical Puns

1. Why was the mobile phone wearing glasses?… Because it lost its contacts.
2. What was the spider doing on the computer?… He was making a website!
3. What do you call an iPhone that sleeps too much?… Dead Siri-ous.
4. What did the computer have during his break time?… He had a byte!
5. What is the computer’s favorite snack? Microchips!
6. What shoes do computers love the most?… Re-boots!
7. Why did the computer go to the dentist?… To get his Bluetooth checked.
8. What is the biggest lie anyone can tell?… “I have read and agreed to all the terms and conditions.

A wife became so mad at her husband that she packed his bags and told him to leave. As he walked to the door, she yelled, “I hope you die a long, slow, painful death.”

He turned around and said, “So, you want me to stay?”

My boss was honest with me today. He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning, and I complimented him on it. He replied, “Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined, and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year.”

Poems

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Some Music Puns

• Phew! Got off Ska free.
• Time flies when you’re having funk.
• Hip-hop? Hooray!
• Tango down in flames.
• Tuner or later, we all have to dance.
• He’s such a bad singer, he has delusions of bandeur.
• Don’t rock it until you’ve tried it.
• I don’t give a rap.
• The bluegrass is always greener on the other side.
• I’m looking for a choir purpose.
• When verse comes to verse, sing a song.
• She’s punk as a skunk.

• Help me! I’m in treble.
• I played the wrong note, but no need to guitar and feather me!
• Sitar and stay awhile.
• Something’s wrong with your guitar? Don’t Fret!
• Always look for signs and cymbals.
• I’ve heard enough of your glockenspiel.

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I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. If you have any good jokes, please send them to me.  Thanks.

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