Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 134

What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck!

I took my wife to an apple orchard for her birthday. We spent an hour looking at the trees.

Apparently, it wasn’t the Apple Watch she was expecting.

My car mechanic called me and said, “You can pick up your car by 5 p.m.”

I said, “I don’t think I’ll be strong enough by then.”

Parrot jokes:

A woman calls her plumber and leaves a message. “Come to my house and fix my kitchen sink. The key’s under the mat, and I’ll leave a check for you on the kitchen table. Don’t worry about the dog, but whatever you do, don’t talk to the parrot!” The plumber then goes to the woman’s house and lets himself in. There’s a vicious-looking pit bull in the living room, but it just glances up at him and goes back to sleep. He goes into the kitchen and gets started on the sink.

The parrot is in a cage in the kitchen, and the whole time he’s working, it’s screaming at him. It makes fun of his appearance, casts doubt on his parentage, and insults his intelligence. The plumber, remembering the woman’s warning, doesn’t say anything, just goes on with his work. He finishes up and picks up his tools. The parrot’s still screaming at him, and he can’t resist. He walks up to the parrot’s cage and says, “Will you shut the hell up?”

The parrot says, “Sic him, Bruno.”

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A woman visits the pet store and examines the parrots. One of them is very cheap, and she asks the owner why. The owner says, “This parrot was raised in a house of ill repute, and it picked up some bad language.” This doesn’t bother the woman, so she buys the parrot, takes it home, and sets up its cage in the kitchen.

The parrot looks around, looks at the woman, and says, “New house, new madam.” The woman has a good laugh at this. Just then, the woman’s two daughters walk into the room. The parrot says, “New house, new madam, new hookers.” After she explains what’s going on, the three of them have a good laugh. Just then, the woman’s husband walks in. The parrot says, “Hi, Bob.”

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A woman visits the pet store in search of a parrot. She asks how much one of the parrots costs, and the owner says, “That parrot costs $5,000.”

“Five thousand dollars!” the woman exclaims. “Why so much?”

The owner says, “This parrot can sing the part of Mimi from La Boheme, the whole thing! But that’s nothing. This parrot over here costs $10,000.”

“Amazing,” the woman says. “What can this parrot do?”

“This parrot knows the Ring of the Nibelung, all four operas, all the parts. But I have a parrot in the back that costs $50,000.”

“Fifty thousand!” the woman exclaims. “What can that parrot do?”

“I don’t know,” the owner answers, “but the other parrots call him ‘Maestro.'”

On a flight to Hawaii, the captain announces, “Ladies and gentlemen, I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives.”

Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later, the husband turns to his wife and asks, “Honey, did we pay the car bill this month?”

“No, sweetheart,” she responds.

Still shaken from the crash landing, he then asks, “Did we pay our credit card bill yet?”

“Oh no! I’m sorry. I forgot to send the check,” she says.

“One last thing, did you remember to pay the medical bill for the hospital visit last month?” he asks.

“Oh, forgive me, sweetheart,” begged the wife. “I didn’t send that one, either.”

The husband grabs her and gives her the biggest hug in 50 years. She pulls away and asks him, “What was the hug for?”

The husband answers, “They’ll find us!”

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I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. If you have any good jokes, please send them to me.  Thanks.

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