- Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.
- What do you call a pig with laryngitis? Disgruntled.
- Writing my name in cursive is my signature move.
- Why do bees stay in their hives during winter? Swarm.
- If you’re bad at haggling, you’ll end up paying the price.
- Just so everyone’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.
- A commander walks into a bar and orders everyone around.
- I lost my job as a stage designer. I left without making a scene.
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Some more jokes
- Never buy flowers from a monk. Only you can prevent florist friars.
- How much did the pirate pay to get his ears pierced? A buccaneer.
- I once worked at a cheap pizza shop to get by. I kneaded the dough.
- My friends and I have named our band ‘Duvet’. It’s a cover band.
- I lost my girlfriend’s audiobook, and now I’ll never hear the end of it.
- Why is ‘dark’ spelled with a k and not c? Because you can’t see in the dark.
- Why is it unwise to share your secrets with a clock? Well, time will tell.
- Prison is just one word to you, but for some people, it’s a whole sentence.
- Scientists got together to study the effects of alcohol on a person’s walk, and the result was staggering.
- I’m trying to organize a hide-and-seek tournament, but good players are really hard to find.
- I got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows, and nuts. I won’t lie, it was a rocky road.
- What do you say to comfort a friend who’s struggling with grammar? There, their, they’re.
A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She reached the part of the story where the first pig was gathering building materials for his home.
She read, “And so, the little pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: ‘Pardon me, sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?’
The teacher paused, then asked the class: ‘And what do you think the man said?’
Little Johnny raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly …’ I think the man would have said, ‘Well, I’ll be damned… a talking pig!”
Some youngsters can think so logically.
A duck, a skunk, and a deer went out to a restaurant for dinner one night.
When the time came to pay, the skunk didn’t have a scent, and the deer didn’t have a buck, so they put the meal on the duck’s bill.
A guy goes to a psychiatrist and says, “Doctor, I think I’m a dog.”
Doc says, “Lay down on the couch and tell me about it.”
Guy says, “I’m not allowed on the couch.
A frog took the bus to work because his car got toad.
A manager told someone to have a good day, so they didn’t go to work.
The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning, he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.
When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, “The captain said to read the news and let us know if you still want to be rescued.”
More short Jokes
- I went to the toy store and asked the assistant where the Schwarzenegger dolls are, and he replied, “Aisle B, back.”
- What did the surgeon say to the patient who insisted on closing up their own incision? Suture self.
- I’ve started telling everyone about the benefits of eating dried grapes. It’s all about raisin awareness.
A wife got so mad at her husband that she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door, she yelled, “I hope you die a long, slow, painful death.” He turned around and said, “So, you want me to stay?”
I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. If you have any good jokes, please send them to me. Thanks.
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