The Forgetful Actor
An actor had been out of work for 15 years because he always forgot his lines. Then one day he got a phone call from a director who wanted him for a big part in a play. All he had to say was, “Hark! I hear the cannon roar! After much worry, the actor decided to take the role. Opening night arrived, and while he waited in the wings, the actor muttered to himself “Hark! I hear the cannon roar! Hark! I hear the cannon roar! The time for the entrance finally came, and as the actor made his appearance, he heard a loud brooooom! He turned around and said, “what the hell was that?
Q: What do you call a person with a nose and no body?
A: Nobody nose
Q: What did one elevator say to the other elevator?
A: I think I’m coming down with something
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An Impasta
A Horse Joke
Jack strode into ‘John’s Stable’ looking to buy a horse. John replied, “I’ve got just the horse your looking for; the only thing is, a strange fellow trained him. He doesn’t go and stop the usual way.
The way to get him to stop is to scream, “hey hey!” The way to get him to go is to yell, “Thank God.” Jim nodded his head, “fine with me, can I take him for a test run?” Jim was having the time of his life. This horse sure could run, he thought to himself.
Jim was speeding down the dirt road when he suddenly saw a cliff up ahead “stop!” screamed Jim, but the horse kept on going. No matter how much he tried, he could not remember the words to get it to stop. “yoyo!” screamed Jim, but the horse just kept on speeding ahead.
They were 5 feet from the cliff when Jim suddenly remembered, “hey hey!” Jim screamed. The horse skidded to a halt just 1 inch from the cliff. Jim could not believe his good fortune. He looked up to the sky, raised his hands in the air, breathed a deep sigh of relief, and said with conviction, “Thank God.”
The wireless network can be explained as follows.
The wired network is like a cat. You pull the tail in one room, and the cat meows in the other room.
The wireless network is the same, only without the cat.
A Technical Joke
An engineer, a mathematician, and an arts graduate were given the task of finding the height of a church steeple (the first to get the correct solution wins a $1000).
The engineer tried to remember things about differential pressures but resorted to climbing the steeple and lowering a string on a plumb bob until it touched the ground and then climbed down and measured the length of the string.
The Mathematician laid out a reference line, measured the angle to the top of the steeple from both ends, and worked out the height by trigonometry.
However, the arts graduate won the prize. He bought the vicar a beer in the local pub, and he told him how high the church steeple was.
- Important question: What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
- Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
These statements are apparent after you hear them.
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.
I changed my password to “incorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is, the computer will say, “Your password is incorrect.”
Some More Puns:
… He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
… When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she’d dye.
… Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
… Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. If you have any good jokes, please send them to me. Thanks.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.