An art student got tired of working at a fast-food restaurant and decided to get a job working as a laborer at a construction site.
Being an over-confident arts student, he soon began to brag to the other workers about all sorts of things.
One day he decided to brag that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of the senior engineer on the site. After several minutes, the engineer had had enough.
“Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is,” said the engineer.
“I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won’t be able to wheel back.”
“You’re on, little guy!” the braggart replied. “Let’s see what you have.”
The engineer reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, “All right. Get in.”
A graduate with a Science degree asks, “Why does it work?”
A graduate with an Engineering degree asks, “How does it work?”
A graduate with an Accounting degree asks, “How much will it cost?”
A graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, “Would you like fries with that?”
Marvin calls in to work and says, “Hey, boss I can’t come to work today, I’m really sick. I got a headache, stomachache, and my legs hurt. I can’t come to work.”
The boss says, “You know Marvin, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her give me sex. Makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try it.”
Two hours later Marvin calls again: “Boss, I did what you said, and I feel great. I’ll be at work soon. And by the way, you got a nice house.”
One day the different parts of the body were having an argument to see which should be in charge.
The brain said, “I do all the thinking so I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”
The eyes said, “I see everything and let the rest of you know where we are, so I’m the most important, and I should be in charge.”
The hands said, “Without me, we wouldn’t be able to pick anything up or move anything. So I’m the most important, and I should be in charge.”
The stomach said, “I turn the food we eat into energy for the rest of you. Without me, we’d starve. So I’m the most important, and I should be in charge.”
The legs said, “Without me, we wouldn’t be able to move anywhere. So I’m the most important and I should be in charge.”
Then the rectum said, “I think I should be in charge.”
All the rest of the parts said, “You?!? You don’t do anything! You’re not important! You can’t be in charge.”
So, the rectum closed up.
After a few days, the legs were all wobbly, the stomach was all queasy, the hands were all shaky, the eyes were all watery, and the brain was all cloudy. They all agreed that they couldn’t take any more of this and decided to put the rectum in charge.
The moral of the story?
You don’t have to be the most important to be in charge; any asshole can do it.
Silly Puns
To the guy who invented zero, thanks for nothing.
I don’t trust stairs because they’re always up to something.
My grandpa has the heart of the lion and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Long fairy tales have a tendency to dragon.
My sister bet that I couldn’t build a car out of spaghetti. You should’ve seen her face when I drove pasta.
Never discuss infinity with a mathematician, they can go on about it forever.
To Think Outside the Box
“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of light, it was the season of darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair.” Written in 1859, this quote by Charles Dickens still rings true.
We are in an age of extreme politics that colors our social discourse and beliefs in science and technology. From the age of Socrates, we are constantly reminded that it is essential to define ourselves not by the tribes we belong to but by our own intellect. And yet we succumb to demagoguery. Maybe because of the isolation and uncertainty of the pandemic, we have found ourselves clinging tightly to our tribes. We listen to the news, that is very happy to exploit our feelings, and are told how to think within the party. Our views intensify as we hear invectives of extreme opinions.
History shows us that our society goes through periods of hope and despair. We experience periods of optimism and pessimism. In this time of cynicism, we should remember this comment from Terry Pratchett in A Hat Full of Sky. “There’s always a story. It’s all stories, really. The sun coming up every day is a story. Everything’s got a story in it. Change the story, change the world.” We are in a season of distrust, and that is the current story. It is time to change.
And now what to do? Probably the most important thing we can do is to think outside our box. We must leave our tribe. We must make decisions based on truths, not what our tribe tells us. Socrates states, “I cannot teach anybody anything. I can only make them think.”
We also need to believe in hope. We must believe that it will all get better. At one point in JM Barrie’s story of Peter Pan, Peter finds Tinkerbell poisoned. “Her voice was so low that at first, he could not make out what she said. Then he made it out. She was saying that she thought she could get well again if children believed in fairies.” Peter turns to the audience and says, “Do you believe in fairies? If you believe, clap your hands. Don’t let Tinker die.”
Yes, it’s corny, but the Tinkerbell effect does work. We hear this message from our religious leaders and even from our politicians. It is that soft voice that helps us believe.
Please start clapping, and then vote!
I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. If you have any good ones, please send them to me.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.