A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child’s work.
As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was.
The girl replied, ‘I’m drawing God.’
The teacher paused and said, ‘But no one knows what God looks like.’
Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, ‘They will in a minute.’
A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” the bartender asks. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it!”
Another Roman walks into the bar, holds up two fingers, and says, “Five beers, please.”
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.
How did the person who made the first clock, know what time it was?
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma?
One has claws at the end of the paws. The other has is a pause at the end of a clause.
Why was the cat so agitated? Because he was in a bad mewd!
When I was in school, my teacher called on me and asked, “Name two pronouns!”
I replied, “Who, me?”
What do you call a cat that eats beans?
Puss ‘n’ Toots!
What do you call a dinosaur fart?
A blast from the past.
A man went to the doctor…
He said, “Doc, you gotta check my leg. Something’s wrong. Just put your ear up to my thigh, you’ll hear it!”
The doctor cautiously placed his ear to the man’s thigh only to hear, “Gimme 20 bucks, I really need 20 bucks.”
“I’ve never seen or heard anything like this before, how long has this been going on.” The doctor asked.
“That’s nothing Doc. put your ear to my knee.”
The doctor put his ear to the man’s knee and heard it say “Man, I really need 10 bucks, just lend me 10 bucks!!”
“Sir, I really don’t know what to tell you. I’ve never seen anything like this.” The doctor was dumbfounded.
“Wait Doc, that’s not it. There’s more, just put your ear up to my ankle,” the man urged him.
The doctor did as the man said and was blown away to hear his ankle plead, “Please, I just need 5 bucks. Lend me 5 bucks please if you can.”
I have no idea what to tell you,” the doctor said. “There’s nothing about it in my books,” he said as he frantically searched all his medical reference books.
“I can make a well-educated guess though. Based on life and all my previous experience I can tell you that your leg appears to be broke in three places.”
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo? One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma? There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.
Are you feeling that you’re getting older? Remember that 28 hexidecimal is the new 40 decimal years old.
Q. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A. A walkie-talkie!
Q: Why didn’t the elephant get the job he wanted?
A: His qualifications were completely irrelephant.
40 years of marriage.
A married couple in their early 60s are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant. Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table. She said, ‘For being such an exemplary married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.’ The wife answered, ‘Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband.’ The fairy waved her magic wand and – poof! – two tickets for the Queen Mary II appeared in her hands. The husband thought for a moment: ‘Well, this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I’m sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than me. ‘The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.! So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!…The husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female …..
Q: Why did the picture go to jail?
A: Because it was framed.
Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
A: I’ll meet you at the corner.
Q: What’s the difference between a TV and a newspaper?
A: Nobody reads newspapers
Alternate: You can’t swat a fly with a TV
Q: Why can’t your nose be 12 inches long?
A: Because then it would be a foot!
I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes. If you have any jokes to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.