The Priest was preparing a man for his long day’s journey into night
Whispering firmly, the Priest said, “Denounce the devil! Let him know how little you think of him! “The dying man said nothing.
The Priest repeated his order. Still, the man said nothing. The Priest asked, “Why do you refuse to denounce the devil and his evil? “The dying man said, “Until I know for sure where I’m heading, I don’t think I ought to aggravate anybody.”
Be Glad Your Nose Is on Your Face
Jack Prelutsky – 1940-
Be glad your nose is on your face,
not pasted on some other place,
for if it were where it is not,
you might dislike your nose a lot.
Imagine if your precious nose
were sandwiched in between your toes,
that clearly would not be a treat,
for you’d be forced to smell your feet.
Your nose would be a source of dread
were it attached atop your head,
it soon would drive you to despair,
forever tickled by your hair.
Within your ear, your nose would be
an absolute catastrophe,
for when you were obliged to sneeze,
your brain would rattle from the breeze.
Your nose, instead, through thick and thin,
remains between your eyes and chin,
not pasted on some other place–
be glad your nose is on your face!
Disney has been doing some psychology studies about well being of little people. After 4 long years and multiple studies, they concluded…
6 out of 7 dwarves aren’t Happy.
Albert Einstein created many concepts for modern physics.
His brother, Frank, however, created a monster.
What is the most terrifying word in Nuclear physics?
Oops!!!!
What’s the difference between Quantum Physics and Politics?
In politics, the results won’t change no matter how you measure them.
Some Star Puns
How do you get clean in outer space?
You take a meteor shower.
What is money called in space?
Star bucks.
What do starlets like to read before bed?
Comet books!
What did the alien say when he saw a gardener?
“Take me to your weeder!”
My teenage son treats me like a god.
He acts like I don’t exist until he wants something.
If Elon Musk’s space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she’d be your….
Space x.
The village blacksmith found an apprentice willing to work long and hard.
The blacksmith told the boy, “When I take the shoes out of the fire, I’ll lay them on the anvil, and when I nod my head, hit it with the hammer.” The apprentice did as he was told.
Now he’s the village blacksmith.
An old married couple is in church one Sunday when the woman turns to her husband and says, “I’ve just let out a really long, silent fart. What should I do?”
The husband turns back to her and says, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”
My friend had a long life dream of studying carbonation in soda. After many years of schooling, he accomplished his dream…
…he became a licensed Fizzyologist.
A tough old rancher once told his grandson that the secret to a long life was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning.
The grandson did this religiously, and he lived to be 97. When he died, he left behind 14 children, 27 grandchildren, 34 great-grandchildren and a 15-foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.
What do you call a really long metaphor?
It’s like, a metafive
Milk is good
But it could be butter
People call me self-centered.
But that’s enough about them.
Grandmother talking to her daughter: “These are the most expensive hearing aids you can buy. They cost me $4,000.
Daughter asked, “what kind are they?”
Grandmother, “It’s 4:15 pm.”
I always carry a picture of my wife and kids in my wallet. I do it to remind myself why there is no money in there.
Clarinet
Apart, we are two quiet things:
a person and an instrument.
I in my body,
the clarinet in its case.
We are like good friends.
The clarinet takes nothing away from me.
It lets me borrow its notes.
If I loan it my breath,
I can speak with its sweet voice.
Together, we will make a world
full of song.
I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes. If you have any jokes to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.