Technical Jokes and Cartoons-82

The FBI had an opening for an assassin.

After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists: two men and a woman.

For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun.

“We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room, you find your wife sitting in a chair… Kill her!!”

The man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.”

The agent said, “Then you’re not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home.”

The second man was given the same instructions.

He took the gun and went into the room.

All was quiet for about 5 minutes.

The man came out with tears in his eyes, “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.”

The agent said, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn.

She was given the same instructions to kill her husband.

She took the gun and went into the room.

Shots were heard, one after another.

They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls.

After a few minutes, all was quiet.

The door opened slowly, and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow.

“This gun is loaded with blanks,” she said.

“I had to kill him with the chair!”


A dog is walking down the street, and he sees a sign in a shop window that says:


“Must be able to type 60 words per minute.”

“Must be computer literate.”

“Must be bilingual.”

“An equal opportunity employer.”

So, the dog goes inside and asks the manager for an application. The manager looks down at the dog, shakes his head, and says, “I’m sorry, we can’t have a dog in this position.” The dog goes over to the sign and points (with his paw) where the sign says, “An equal opportunity employer.” The manager rolls his eyes and says, “Yeah, yeah….” and gives the dog an application.

The dog quickly fills out the application and hands it back to the manager. He looks over it and says, “You have a great work history, but our sign says you have to be able to type… Can you?” The dog goes to the typewriter and bangs out a letter… Perfect punctuation, perfect spelling, and perfect grammar… At better than 80 words per minute.

The manager says, “Wow, impressive. But the sign says you need to be computer literate. Can you run a computer?” The dog goes to the computer, turns it on, and once it is booted up, the dog types in a program… and it runs… Flawlessly. The manager says, “Look, you have some very impressive skills, but seriously… We just can’t have a dog in this position” At this point, the manager gets rather smug and says with a smirk, “Besides, the sign says you need to be bilingual.”

The dog looks up at the manager and says, “Meow.”

Engineer No. 1: “I bet you can’t name two structures that can hold water.”
Engineer No. 2: “Well, dam.”

In continuing attempts to reduce the world’s CO2 emissions, top scientists have found a way to make cars run on Parsley…

A spokesperson for the group has stated that they are now doubling their efforts to make trains run on Thyme.

One day a group of scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God.

So they picked one scientist to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.

The scientist walked up to God and said, “God, we’ve decided that we no longer need you. We’re to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don’t you just go on and get lost?”

God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the scientist was done talking, God said, “Very well, how about this? Let’s say we have a man-making contest.”

To which the scientist replied, “Okay, great!” But, God added, “Now, we’re going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam.

“The scientist said, “Sure, no problem” and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt. God looked at him and said, “No, no, no. You go get your own dirt.”

Scientists got so bored of watching the Earth spin that after 24 hours

They called it a day.

What instrument do musically-inclined scientists play?

The Higgs-Bassoon.

NASA Scientists were eagerly waiting for the rover to send back the first sounds from Mars.

A program decades in the making, a feat of engineering never before accomplished. Not only did they include high-resolution cameras for the landing, but incredibly robust microphones to capture the first sounds from an alien planet.

The team of people was huddled around a lab station for hours, watching as the Intersolar data was relayed from the Red Planet and downloaded into their servers.

The progress bar crept steadily along: 98%…. 99%… 100%

A hush fell over those in attendance as they finally queued up the audio…

First, static, and then a faint crackle…

“Hi, this is Anne with your vehicle’s warranty department…”

In England, they call it a “lift.” In the US, we call it an “elevator.” I guess we were just raised differently.

My Skin Does Not Define Me

Kenenth Thomas 1963 (Surrey)

My skin does not define me
It is the house in which I must reside
My perceptions of the world are formed
As I look out the windows that are my eyes

My skin does not define me
It was not with forethought derived
As I travel on life’s great journey
It’s the vessel that carries me inside

My skin does not define me
Though others may see it as such
Through troubles and trials and failures
It holds and protects me from much

My skin does not define me
Come take a look and you will see
Love of a father, the compassion of a friend a life that matters
There’s so much more that defines me

About this poem

This poem is written to enlighten and inspire those who judge others by the color of their skin or the origin of their race.

I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes.  If you have any jokes to contribute, please let me know.  Thanks.

Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.