An older woman went to a walk-in clinic where a young, new doctor saw her.
After about 3 minutes in the exam room, the doctor told her she was pregnant. She burst out the door, screaming as she ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked her what the problem was.
After she told him what had happened, he sat her down in another exam room and marched back to the first doctor.
‘What is the matter with you? That lady is over 60 years old, has four grown children and several grandchildren! And you told her she was pregnant?! Are you insane?!’
The young doctor continued to write on his clipboard, and without looking up, he asked, ‘Ahh, but does she still have the hiccups?’
A friend who’s in liquor production,
Has a still of astounding construction,
The alcohol boils,
Through old magnet coils,
He says that it’s proof by induction.
Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip? To get to the other… eh? Hang on…
A chemistry teacher was recruited as a radio operator in the first world war. He soon became familiar with the military habit of abbreviating everything.
When his unit came under sustained attack, he was asked to quickly inform his HQ. He got on the radio and shouted, “NaCl over NaOH! NaCl over NaOH!”
“NaCl over NaOH?” His officer shouts, “What does that mean?” “The base is under a salt!” came the reply.
For those who are not familiar with AARP, it is an interest group for older people. It was originally called the American Association of Retired Persons. In the USA, when you reach the age of 50, AARP sends out a greeting that includes the option to join the group. It’s also the time of life when you start enjoying elevator music.
Three billionaires are out golfing together
Suddenly, a ringing sound is heard. The first of the three pulls an earpiece out of his pocket and takes a call. When finished, he brags to the others about how fancy it is.
After some time, another phone starts ringing. The second man starts talking, seemingly into thin air. When asked, he explains to the others that he had a phone installed directly into his ear using revolutionary new technology.
Again, some time passes before another ringing sound is heard. This time, however, the third and final man immediately darts off into the woods. Puzzled, the other two follow him. After some searching, they find him, pants down and squatting behind a tree.
Upon noticing, the half-naked man yells, “Give me a minute, would you? I’m waiting for a fax!”
I told my husband I was going to gradually cut back my dependence on technology in 2019.
I’m starting with the vacuum cleaner, washer/dryer, and iron.
Two older male dolphins notice their hairlines are starting to recede.
Understandably, they start getting a little down in the dumps recognizing the loss of their youth and feeling a profound sense of their mortality.
In a moment of clarity, one dolphin says to his buddy, “Hey, we don’t have to accept this hair problem. With modern fashion and technology these days, we can do something about this!”
So they went out and bought matching hairpieces. They were toupees in a pod.
I just ordered a life alert bracelet, so if I get a life, I’ll be notified.
A couple was doing a little spring cleaning around their house when they found a ticket for a pair of shoes they’d dropped off to be repaired around 20 years ago.
The husband said, “Wow, I’d forgotten all about these. You don’t suppose they’d actually still be there at the shoe repair shop, do you?”
The wife said, “It’s pretty unlikely, but the next time you’re in town, why don’t you stop by and check just out of curiosity.”
The husband puts the ticket in his pocket and says, “Hmm, maybe I will.”
A few days later, the husband was in town, so he stopped by the shoe repair shop to inquire about the ticket.
He pulled the ticket out of his pocket and showed it to the owner, and he said, “My wife and I found this ticket the other day. I know it’s over 20 years old, and we really don’t expect the shoes to still be here, but would you mind checking anyway just for the heck of it?”
The owner takes the ticket and says, “20 years, huh? Alright, gimme a second, and I’ll check out back.”
The owner returns a few minutes later and says, “Well, I’ll be darned; they are still here.”
And the ticket owner says, “Wow, after 20 years, they’re still here, huh?”
And the owner says, “Yup, they’ll be ready Friday.”
A man gets a job at a computer store that sells food-shaped computers.
He was fired for trying to take a byte.
What did the astronaut look for after parking his spaceship in orbit? A parking meteor!
By Shel Silverstein
I made myself a snowball
As perfect as could be.
I thought I’d keep it as a pet
And let it sleep with me.
I made it some pajamas
And a pillow for its head.
Then last night it ran away,
But first it wet the bed.
I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes. If you have any jokes to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.