Technical Jokes and Cartoons Jokes – 103

A man we’ll call “Egon Tusk” had just become the CEO of a large tech company.

The departing CEO left him with three envelopes numbered 1, 2 and 3.

“Open these if you run up against a problem you don’t think you can solve,” the departing CEO said.

Egon made a lot of changes, but six months later revenues had still not picked up and was in fact lower than when he was brought in. Egon was catching a lot of heat. Almost at his wit’s end, he suddenly remembered the envelopes. He opened the first one, it said: “Blame your predecessor.” Egon went all out on PR and tactfully laid the blame at the feet of the previous CEO. Satisfied with his comments, the press, and Wall Street, responded positively, the stock price went up and the heat was soon off him.

About a year later, the ad revenues had still not picked up, and the company was facing serious engineering problems. Having learned from his previous experience, the CEO quickly opened the second envelope. The message read, “Blame the environment.” Egon went on a PR overdrive again, blaming the war in Europe, the global recession etc. and the pressure was off him again.

More quarters passed. The company was still not generating enough revenue. Under pressure again, Egon turned to the third envelope.

It said: “Prepare three envelopes.”

Dad Jokes

“Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?” “In case they get a hole in one!”

“Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.”

“What do a tick and the Eiffel Tower have in common?” “They’re both Paris sites.”

“What do you call a fish wearing a bowtie?” “Sofishticated.”

“What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet?” “Supplies!”

“Have you heard about the chocolate record player? It sounds pretty sweet.”

“What did the ocean say to the beach?” “Nothing, it just waved.”

“Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?” “Because if they flew over the bay, we’d call them bagels.”

“I only know 25 letters of the alphabet. I don’t know y.”

“How does the moon cut his hair?” “Eclipse it.”

“What did one wall say to the other?” “I’ll meet you at the corner.”

“What did the zero say to the eight?” “That belt looks good on you.”

“A skeleton walks into a bar and says, ‘Hey, bartender. I’ll have one beer and a mop.'”

“Where do fruits go on vacation?” “Pear-is!”

“I asked my dog what’s two minus two. He said nothing.”

“What did Baby Corn say to Mama Corn?” “Where’s Pop Corn?”

“What’s the best thing about Switzerland?” “I don’t know, but the flag is a big plus.”

“What does a sprinter eat before a race?” “Nothing, they fast!”

“Where do you learn to make a banana split?” “Sundae school.”

“What has more letters than the alphabet?” “The post office!”

“Dad, did you get a haircut?” “No, I got them all cut!”

“What do you call a poor Santa Claus?” “St. Nickel-less.”

“I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.”

“Where do boats go when they’re sick?” “To the boat doc.”

“I don’t trust those trees. They seem kind of shady.”

A Longer Joke

A redneck’s father passed away in his sleep. So in the morning, he calls 911 to come pick up the body. The 911 operator told him that she would send someone out right away. “Where do you live?” asked the operator. He replied, “At the end of Eucalyptus Drive.”

The operator asked, “Can you spell that for me?

There was a long pause and finally he said, “How ’bout if I drag him over to Oak Street and you pick him up there?”

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I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes.  If you have any anecdotes to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.

Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.