Jokes at the Office

When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of an emergency, I always write, “A very good doctor”.

I went for a job interview today and the interviewer asked me, “What would you consider to be your main strengths and weaknesses?”.
I said, “Well, my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what’s real from what’s not.”
They then asked, “And your strengths?”
I said, “I’m Batman.”

Two factory workers are talking.
The woman says, “I can make the boss give me the day off.”
The man replies, “And how are you going to do that?”
The woman says, “Just wait and see.”
She then hangs upside down from the ceiling. The boss comes in and says, “What are you doing?”
The woman replies, “I’m a light bulb.”
The boss then says, “You’ve been working so much that you’ve gone crazy. I think you need to take the day off.”
The man starts to follow her, and the boss says, ‘Where are you going?’
The man says, “I’m going home, too. I can’t work in the dark.”

I get plenty of desk exercises in, like jumping to conclusions, pushing my luck, and dodging deadlines!

My memory has gotten so bad it has actually caused me to lose my job. I’m still employed. I just can’t remember where.

Jokes that Make You Think

People often accuse me of stealing other’s jokes and being a plagiarist. Their words — not mine…

They say a Freudian slip is when you say one thing, but you really mean your mother.

Queue is spelled just with Q and four silent letters.
No, it’s not. They’re just waiting their turn.

What do you do with a chemist who is ill?
First, you try to helium, then you try to curium, but if this fails then you have to barium.

A recent finding by statisticians shows the average human has one breast and one testicle.

Descartes walks into a bar. The bartender asks if he wants a drink.
“I think not,”- Descartes says. And then he disappears.

Computer Poems of Yesterday and Today

Many years ago, when computers first became popular, I read the following poem. I can’t remember where I saw it and couldn’t find it on Google search. It’s lost to history and only present in my memory.

An Old Computer Poem

I think that I shall never see
a computer made like me.

A me that wears an overcoat
And likes a risky anecdote.

A me that taps his foot and grins
whenever Dixieland begins.

A me that likes martinis dry,
And on the rocks a little rye.

They make computers for a fee,
But only moms can make a me.

A New Computer Poem

Today I asked ChatGPT to write a poem starting with, “I think that I shall never see a computer made like me.”

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I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes.  If you have any jokes to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.

Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.