I love the wisdom of Steven Wright. Here are some of his comments:
You may know the speed of light but, what’s the speed of dark?
Support bacteria – they’re the only culture some people have.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
An engineer, a physicist, and an accountant were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation.
The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with: “How much is two plus two?” The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the boardroom and announcing, “Four.”
The physicist was interviewed next, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced, “Four.”
The accountant was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked, “How much do you want it to be?”
More Steven Wright:
Important question: What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.
I like to reminisce with people I don’t know.
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.
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