I promise you cannot read these and not laugh out loud. These are real notes written by parents in the Memphis school district. Spellings have been left intact.
Please excuse Roland from p.e. For a few days.
Yesterday he fell out of a tree and misplaced his hip..
John has been absent because he had two teeth taken out of his face.
Chris will not be in school cus he has an acre in his side
Please excuse ray Friday from school.. He has very loose vowels.
Please excuse tommy for being absent yesterday. He had diarrhea, and his boots leak.
My son is under a doctor’s care and should not take PE today. Please execute him.
Please exkuce lisa for being absent she was sick and I had her shot.
Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday.
We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday. We thought it was Sunday.
Sally won’t be in school a week from Friday We have to attend her funeral.
Now we know why parents are screaming for better
education for our kids.
Here are paraprosdokian phrases. (Today’s homework: Google the meaning of this word)
The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
Here are some paraprosdokians from famous people:
Albert Einstein: “The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.
Winston Churchill: “You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing—after they have tried everything else”
Groucho Marx: I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn’t it.
And, a contribution from Rodney MacLean:
A nine-year-old is in trouble with the law.
It appears he took a squirrel to church. Homeland Security has charged him with having a weapon of Mass Disruption.
Thanks for your contributions to this month’s jokes and cartoons. I hope you enjoy them.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.