Customer service jokes:
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While I was out to lunch, my coworker answered my phone and told the caller that I would be back in 20 minutes. The woman asked, “Is that 20 minutes Central Standard Time?”
When asked for his name by the coffee shop clerk, my brother-in-law answered, “Marc, with a C.” Minutes later, he was handed his coffee with his name written on the side: Cark.
Before Google, there were librarians. Here are some queries posed to the poor, suffering staff of public libraries:
- A woman wanted “inspirational material on grass and lawns.”
- “Who built the English Channel?”
- “Is there a full moon every night in Acapulco?”
- “Music suitable for a doll wedding to take place between a Shirley Temple doll and a teddy bear.”
- “Can the New York Public Library recommend a good forger?”
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine, they laid down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions and millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies, and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. “It tells me that someone has stolen our tent.”
A photon walks into a hotel. The desk clerk says, “Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage?” The photon says, “No thanks, I’m traveling light.”
Q: What did the 30-degree angle say to the 90-degree angle?
A: “You think you’re always right!”
- I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
- It doesn’t make a difference what temperature a room is, it’s always room temperature.
- It’s a small world, but I wouldn’t want to paint it.
- There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He caught every other fish.
- What’s another word for Thesaurus?
How many mystery writers does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to screw the bulb almost all the way in, and one to give a surprising twist at the end.
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