Any science or technology which is sufficiently advanced is indistinguishable from magic. – Arthur C. Clarke
Any technology that is distinguishable from magic is not sufficiently advanced. – Gregory Benford
Never let a computer know you’re in a hurry. – Anonymous
Some days I amaze myself.
Other days I look for my phone while I’m holding it.
Tech Support Conversations
Help Desk: What’s on your monitor now, ma’am?
User: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the mall.
Help Desk: How may I help you?
User: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Help Desk: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
User: Well, I have the letter ‘a’ in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?
Help Desk: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of the screen.
User: Your left or my left?
Help Desk: Your password is the small letter “a” as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
User: Is that 7 in capital letters?
A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.
He has been checking her out since he sat down but lacks the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
“Oh my, I am sooo sorry,” the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. “Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you,” she says.
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterward the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his.
After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place the next night for dinner. Needless to say, he says “Yes.”
She cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
The guy is amazed!! Everything had been incredible!!!! “You know,” he said, “you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?”
“No” she replies, “You just happened to catch my eye.”
A man who was lonely decided life would be more fun if he had a pet.
So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for its house. He took the box back home, talking gently to the centipede as he walked home.
In the house, he found a good location for the box, then decided he would start off their friendship by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink. He asked the centipede in the box, “Would you like to go to Frank’s with me and have a beer?”
There was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked again, “How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?” But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.
He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up against the centipede’s house and shouting, “Hey, in there! Would you like to go to Frank’s place and have a drink with me?”
A little voice came out of the box: “I heard you the first time! I’m putting on my shoes.”
Some actual conversations that were recorded in the courtroom:
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, “Where am I, Cathy?”
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh….are you qualified to ask that question?
Hope you like these jokes and cartoons. Thanks to Ralph Escribano and Dave Grossman for contributing some of the cartoons and jokes.