My wife and I went to the restaurant for the first time in ages. The Waiter said, “I am sorry, but we are so busy tonight.” Would you mind waiting for a bit?” I said, “No problem.” He said, “Good, now take these drinks to table 7.”
I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast any time” so I ordered French toast during the Renaissance.
A programmer is walking along a beach and finds a lamp. He rubs the lamp, and a genie appears. “I am the most powerful genius in the world. I can grant you any wish, but only one wish.”
The programmer pulls out a map, points to it and says, “I’d want peace in the Middle East.”
The genie responds, “Gee, I don’t know. Those people have been fighting for millennia. I can do just about anything, but this is likely beyond my limits.”
The programmer then says, “Well, I am a programmer, and my programs have lots of users. Please make all my users satisfied with my software and let them ask for sensitive changes.”
At which point the genie responds, “Um, let me see that map again.”
CIA – Computer Industry Acronyms
PCMCIA: People Can’t Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms
ISDN: It Still Does Nothing
MIPS: Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed
DOS: Defunct Operating System
PnP: Plug and Pray
COBOL: Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language
AAAAA: American Association Against Acronym Abuse.
WYSIWYMGIYRRLAAGW: What You See Is What You Might Get If You’re Really Really Lucky And All Goes Well.
Laws of Computer Programming
- Any given program costs more and takes longer.
- If a program is useful, it will have to be changed.
- If a program is useless, it will have to be documented.
- Any program will expand to fill available memory.
- Program complexity grows until it exceeds the capabilities of the programmer who must maintain it.
- Any non-trivial program contains at least one bug.
- Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.
My boss calls me “the computer”
Nothing to do with intelligence,
I go to sleep if left unattended for 15 minutes
Q: What did the computer do at lunchtime?
A: It had a byte!
If you think that your computer, laptop, and phone spying on you is scary then think again,
Because your vacuum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years
Murphy’s Laws of Computing
- The first place to look for information, is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it
- When the going gets tough, upgrade.
- For every action, there is an equal and opposite malfunction.
- To err is human….to blame your computer for your mistakes is even more human, it is downright natural.
- He who laughs last probably made a back up.
- A computer system that does not work is invariably found to have evolved from a simpler system that worked just fine.
- The number one cause of computer problems is computer solutions.
- A computer program will always do what you tell it to do, but rarely what you want to do.
A Poem
Human Family
By Maya Angelou
I note the obvious differences
in the human family.
Some of us are serious,
some thrive on comedy.
Some declare their lives are lived
as true profundity,
and others claim they really live
the real reality.
The variety of our skin tones
can confuse, bemuse, delight,
brown and pink and beige and purple,
tan and blue and white.
I’ve sailed upon the seven seas
and stopped in every land,
I’ve seen the wonders of the world
not yet one common man.
I know ten thousand women
called Jane and Mary Jane,
but I’ve not seen any two
who really were the same.
Mirror twins are different
although their features jibe,
and lovers think quite different thoughts
while lying side by side.
We love and lose in China,
we weep on England’s moors,
and laugh and moan in Guinea,
and thrive on Spanish shores.
We seek success in Finland,
are born and die in Maine.
In minor ways we differ,
in major we’re the same.
I note the obvious differences
between each sort and type,
but we are more alike, my friends,
than we are unalike.
We are more alike, my friends,
than we are unalike.
We are more alike, my friends,
than we are unalike.
I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes. If you have any anecdotes to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.