Technical Jokes and Cartoons 11

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A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man’s chest.  The man asks, “Doc, how do I stand?” The doctor says, “That’s what puzzles me!”

 

Patient:  “I have a ringing in my ears.”   Doctor: “Don’t answer!”

 

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A drunk was in front of a judge.  The judge says, ‘You’ve been brought here for drinking.’  The drunk says ‘Okay, let’s get started.’

 

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren’t going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

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Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.

 

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

 

Two fish swim into a concrete wall.  One turns to the other and says ‘Dam!’

 

No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.

 

A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, ‘I’m sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger.’

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I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.

 

I keep some people’s phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

 

I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

 

Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.

 

How many times is it appropriate to say “What?” before you just nod and smile because you still didn’t hear or understand a word they said?

 

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey – but I’d bet my behind everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time!

 

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