Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 142

Never in my wildest dreams did I think I could have all this by age 35:

– 6 figure passive income
– An empty calendar
– My forever home, paid off
– Vacation home in Maui
– 2 Teslas (S and X)
– Live-in nanny to help us with the kids

And yep I was right, I don’t have any of that.

Physics Jokes

• If you were in a vehicle and you were travelling at the speed of light, and then you turned your lights on, would they do anything ?
• A mathematician, a physicist and an engineer were all given a red rubber ball and told to find the volume. The mathematician carefully measured the diameter and evaluated a triple integral. The physicist filled the beaker with water, put the ball in the water and measured the total displacement. The engineer looked up the model and serial numbers in his red-rubber-ball table.
• A physics professor is giving a lecture on lighting. ‘The moon is more useful than the sun because the moon shines at night when you want the light, whereas the sun shines during the day when you don’t need it’.
• A seminar on time travel will be held two weeks ago.
• Two hydrogen atoms are talking. One says, ‘I think I’ve lost an electron’. The other asks, ‘Are you sure?’ The first replies, ‘Yes , I’m positive.’
• What’s a quark? It’s the noise made by a well-bred duck.

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I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na.

My whole life before age 12 was a blur.

That’s when I went to the eye doctor. Things cleared up after that.

When I was young, I was poor.

After many years of hard work, I am no longer young.

When I was young, I always felt like a male trapped in a females body

Then I was born.

I asked a pretty, young homeless woman if I could take her home. She smiled at me and said yes.

The look on her face soon changed, however, when I walked off with her cardboard box.

A young artist exhibits his work for the first time…

… and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, “would you like my opinion on your work?”
“Yes, ” says the artist.
“It’s worthless,” says the critic

The artist replies, “I know, but tell me anyway.”

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Three brothers, now grown men, get together. They talk about the birthday gifts they’ve just given their elderly mother.

The first says, “I had a big house built for our mother…”

The second says, “I gave her a beautiful Mercedes with a chauffeur.”

The third smiles and says, “I had a much better idea than you. You know how Mom loves reading the Bible? And you know her eyesight has really declined. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took the church elders 12 years to teach it. It’s a rare specimen. All Mom has to do is say the chapter and the verse, and the parrot recites it.”

A few days later, the mother sent a letter to her sons to thank them.

“Andrew, the house you built for me is so big—I live in just one room… but I have to clean the whole house…”

“John, I’m too old to travel. I stay home most of the time. I rarely use the Mercedes… and the chauffeur drives so rudely…”

“My dear Dave,” she wrote to her third son, “you know your mother’s tastes. You always know exactly what would make me happy… Thank you—the chicken was absolutely delicious…”

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I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. If you have any good jokes, please send them to me.  Thanks.

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