WINDOWS: Please enter your new password.
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USER: boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain 1 numerical character.
USER: 1 boiled cabbage
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot have blank spaces.
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password must contain at least one upper case character.
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot use more than one upper case character consecutively.
WINDOWS: Sorry, the password cannot contain punctuation.
WINDOWS: Sorry, that password is already in use.
Questions With Answers
Questions with no apparent answers:
- When poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
- Which letter is silent in the word “Scent,” the S or the C?
- Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
- Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn’t it be called double V?
- Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and it just takes 75-100 years to fully work.
- Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
- The word “swims” upside-down is still “swims”
- 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
Four great confusions still unresolved:
- At a movie theater, which armrest is yours?
- If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?
- Why is there a ‘D’ in fridge, but not in refrigerator?
- Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?
Vagaries of English Language:
Ever wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?
Why isn’t a Fireman called a Water-man?
How come Lipstick doesn’t do what it says?
If money doesn’t grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
How do you get off a non-stop Flight?
Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?
Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the Cupboard?
Why do doctors “practice” medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?
Why is it called ‘Rush Hour’ when traffic moves at its slowest then?
How come Noses run and Feet smell?
Why do they call it a TV ‘set’ when there is only one?
What are you vacating when you go on a vacation?
Things you didn’t realize had names
The plastic covering on the end of a shoelace is an aglet. They make it easy for laces to wave through your shoes without unraveling. In ancient Rome, wealthy people made their aglets out of metal, not the plastic of today.
Your columella is the bottom part of your nose that separates your nostrils. Some people have more of a hanging columella that you could change with plastic surgery. You’ll sound smarter if you drop columella or one of these fancy words that make you sound smarter in conversation.
A ferrule is a rig or cap of metal that strengthens or joins two things. One example of a ferrule is the metal band on the top of a pencil that holds an eraser in place. The word also refers to the cap at the end of a cane, the knob at the hub of an umbrella, and the tube or pipe that fits together with a handle to a paintbrush.
Pips are the little bumps on the surface of a ping pong paddle. Paddles could have long or short pips, depending on the type of table tennis. Short pips are the more common style.
Purlicue refers to the space between the extended thumb and index finger. But it actually has more than one odd meaning. In Scottish, the word means a flourish at the end of a pen stroke, or the end of a discourse.
The empty space between the bottle top and the liquid is an ullage. This leaves enough space, so bottles don’t leak.
Vibrissae is another word for a cat’s whiskers. The word was originally meant to refer to human nostril hairs, according to Merriam-Webster.
The space between your eyebrows is a glabella. That’s also the name of the bone underneath that space that connects your brow ridges.
Dysania means having difficulty getting out of bed in the morning‚ and not just in the way that makes you want to crawl back under the covers. Though it’s not officially recognized as a medical condition and can impact people’s lives in a variety of negative ways.
Illegible handwriting is called griffonage.
The unreachable spot between your shoulder blades is your acnestis. Next time you can’t reach an itch, ask a loved one to scratch your acnestis and see what they say.
Silent letters, like in knight, fight, or Django, are aphthongs.
A longer Joke
In the great days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a South African bush outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement and showing the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches, etc.) which protocol decrees, the retiring colonel said, “You must meet my Adjutant, Captain Smithers, he’s my right-hand man and is really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless.”
Smithers was summoned and introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a hunchback, one-eyed, toothless, hairless, scabbed, and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than three feet tall.
“Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself.”
“Well, sir, I played cricket for England, graduated with honors from Sandhurst, won the Military Cross and Bar after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I’ve represented Great Britain in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight boxing division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of…”
At that point, the colonel interrupted. “Yes, yes, never mind all that, Smithers, he can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you told the witch doctor he was an idiot.”
I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. Dave Grossman and Ellyn Goldstein contributed some of these jokes. If you have any good ones, please send them to me.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.