A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads “Talking Dog for Sale.” Intrigued, he walks in.
“So, what have you done with your life?” he asks the dog.
“I’ve led a very full life,” says the dog. “I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home.”
The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, “Why on Earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?”
The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”
You might not recognize one of the holidays. Hogswatch Night was created by Terry Pratchett, who is one of my favorite authors
Hogswatch Night is from the series of books from the Discworld novels written by Terry Pratchett. If you want to read some excellent comical and satirical books, read these books. He sold 85 million books and sold worldwide in 37 languages. To get you started, the Discworld is a large disc resting on the backs of four giant elephants, all supported by the giant turtle Great A’Tuin as it swims its way through space. It is best to read them in order.
Just once, I want a username and password to say “Close enough”
I wanted to make a clever chemistry joke, but the best ones Argon
Sometimes I meet people and feel bad for their dog
Some Silly Science Jokes
How did the thermometer insult the graduated cylinder?
She said, “You may have graduated, but I have more degrees.”
What are the primary elements of a sense of humor?
Sulfur, Argon, Calcium, and Samarium. Otherwise known as SArCaSm
What did the proton say to the electron to start a fight?
I’m sick of your negativity.
Why are chemists so good at solving problems?
They’re always working with solutions.
How the Fight Started
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn’t run, my wife kept hinting
to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had
something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat,
making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally, she
thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing
scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again
I handed her a toothbrush. I said, “When you finish cutting the
grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.”
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, “Do you know him?”
“Yes”, she sighed,
“He’s my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking
right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
hasn’t been sober since.”
“My God!” I said, “Who would think a person could go on
celebrating that long?”
And then the fight started…
Saturday morning, I got up early, quietly dressed, made my
lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the
boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential
downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the
garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather
would be bad all day.
I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back
into bed. I cuddled up to my wife’s back; now with a different
anticipation, and whispered, “The weather out there is
My loving wife of 5 years replied, “And, can you believe my
stupid husband is out fishing in that?”
And that’s how the fight started…
I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. If you have any good ones, please send them to me.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.