A woman got on a bus, holding a baby.
The bus driver said, “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen.”
In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the farebox and took an aisle seat near the bus’s rear.
The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.
“The bus driver insulted me,” she fumed.
The man sympathized and said, “Why, he’s a public servant and shouldn’t say things to insult passengers.”
“You’re right,” she said. “I think I’ll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.”
“That’s a good idea,” the man said. “Here, let me hold your monkey.”
If God wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
The problem with political jokes is they get elected.
~Henry Cate, VII~
We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office
A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?”
The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bite.”
The man tries to pet the dog, and the dog bites him.
“Ouch!” He says, “I thought you said your dog does not bite!”
The shopkeeper replies, “That is not my dog!”
If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn’t be any inducement to go to heaven.
Politicians are the same all over.? They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
When I was a boy, I was told that anybody could become President; I’m beginning to believe it.
Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.
Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
I offer my opponents a bargain: if they will stop telling lies about us, I will stop telling the truth about them.
~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952~
Izzy and Freda go out to see Hamilton on stage. This is the most sold-out show of the year. Somehow, they’ve been lucky and manage to get best seats in the front row. But they notice that there’s an empty seat in the row behind them. When intermission comes and no one has sat in that seat, Freda turns to the woman sitting next to the empty seat and asks, “Pardon me, but as this is such a sold-out show and in such demand, we were wondering why that seat is empty.”
The woman says, “That’s my late husband’s seat.”
Freda is horrified and apologizes for being so insensitive. But a few minutes later, she turns around again. “Without meaning to be rude or anything, this is an incredibly hard show to get into. Surely you must have a friend or a relative who would have wanted to come and see the show?”
The woman nods, but explains, “They’re all at the funeral.”
A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
~ Tex Guinan~
I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be left to the politicians.
~Charles de Gaulle~
Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city, it might be better to change the locks.
There ought to be one day — just one — when there is open season on senators.
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
How did the man who made the first clock know what time it was?
Q: What is a New Year’s resolution?
A: Something that goes in one year and out the other.
My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.
Q: What do farmers give their wives at midnight on New Year’s Eve?
A: Hogs and kisses!
Q: What’s a digital camera’s New Year’s resolution?
Why do bees hum?
Because they don’t know the lyrics.
Q: What is corn’s favorite holiday?
A: New EARS Day!
Abby New Year.
I hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. If you have any good ones, please send them to me.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.