Why programmers like cooking: You peel the carrot, chop the carrot, and put the carrot in the stew. You don’t suddenly find that the peeler is several versions behind, and they dropped support for carrots.
A man is buying a banana, an apple, and two eggs. The female cashier says: “You must be single.”
The man answers: “Wow, how did you know that?”
Cashier: “Because you’re ugly.”
My wife told me I’ve grown as a person
Her actual words were, “You’ve gotten fat,” but I know what she meant.
I had a chicken that could count her own eggs. She was a mathamachicken.
A church puts out an ad for somebody to ring their bell each day. A man with no arms replies to the want-ad. The priest asks him, “How can you ring a bell with no arms?”
The man runs into the bell face first, and the bell rings loud and beautifully. The priest gives him the job. One day he misses the bell, though and falls to his death. The priest and several other people come to the man’s side, and one of them says, “Who is he?”
The priest replies, “I don’t know. But his face sure rings a bell.”
Dentist: “You need a crown.”
Patient: “Finally someone who understands me”
I remember that my fifth-grade teacher gave us a comprehensive spelling test. It showed that I never learned any of my third-grade words. I’m not sure why. Maybe it’s because the English language can be confusing. Consider the following words.
The bandage was wound around the wound.
The farm was used to produce produce.
The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.
We must polish the Polish furniture.
Let’s face it – English is a crazy language. If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren’t invented in England or French fries in France. Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. People, not computers, invented English, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.
And that’s why I failed third-grade spelling.
The Search for the “Glove Compartment”
Sometimes asking one question can lead to interesting answers. I started with the question about where did the glove compartment originate? These days we probably keep everything else besides gloves in the glove compartment.
In the early 1900s, when cars were starting to be available, there were few comforts. I was surprised to find that the glove compartment was first described by Dorothy Levitt (1882 – 1922), one of Britain’s first female race drivers. In her book “The Women in the Car,” she provided the advice, “You will find room for these gloves in the little drawer under the seat of the car. This little drawer is the secret of the dainty motorist.”
Who was Dorothy Levitt? I never heard of her. I found that Levitt was a very interesting person. Not only did she race cars, but she also repaired them. She participated in motor yachting and set the world’s first Water Speed Record. She was also an aviation pioneer and was a journalist who expounded women’s “right to motor.”
So back to the glove compartment, Packard Motor Company has been credited with introducing this new storage compartment that could be used to hold your driving gloves as well as other small parcels. By 1930 the glove compartment became ubiquitous. So thanks, Dorothy, for having an exciting life and for your help improving our lives.
A man and his dog walk into a bar…
The man proclaims, “I’ll bet you a round of drinks that my dog can talk.”
Bartender: “Yeah! Sure…go ahead.”
Man: “What covers a house?”
Man: “How does sandpaper feel?”
Man: “Who was the greatest ball player of all time?”
Man: “Pay up. I told you he could talk.”
The bartender, annoyed at this point, throws both of them out the door. Sitting on the sidewalk, the dog looks at the guy and says, “Maybe I should have said Mantle?”
I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes. If you have any jokes to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.