A bunch of evolutionary scientists got together for a cookout one day.
They got a bunch of stuff to grill up, but everyone was most excited about the sausages.
The scientists counted the sausages to make sure there were enough for everyone, and even though they initially thought they had enough they were one short. They checked the cooler, the fridge, and everywhere else they could think to look, but science still has yet to find the missing link.
I’ve hunted near, I’ve hunted far
I even looked inside my car.
I’ve lost my glasses, I’m in need,
To have them now so I can read.
I loudly swear and I curse
Did I leave them in my purse?
Are they behind the sofa, under the bed?
Oh there they are – on my head!
A new strain of head lice has been discovered which is resistant to conventional treatments.
That has left scientists scratching their heads.
Scientists confirmed today that anteaters are incapable of contracting Covid…
Apparently, they’re filled with anty-bodies
What do you do with a sick scientist?
Well, if you can’t helium or curium then you might as well barium!
What do you call a scientist who works with bacteria?
A man of culture.
New Pandemic Virus
Scientists are now concerned about a new virus which could become the next pandemic, which they have called the “peekaboo” virus. Patients who get the Peekaboo virus are put in ICU.
What’s the difference between a duck and George Washington?
One has a bill on his face, and the other has his face on a bill.
I was trying to come up with a few squirrel puns to make you laugh, but they were all too nutty.
A wise squirrel once said, “you are what you eat”. He was nuts.
Squirrels are very good at explaining things, because they give it to you in a nutshell.
Count That Day Lost
George Eliot (1819 – 1880)
If you sit down at set of sun
And count the acts that you have done,
And, counting, find
One self-denying deed, one word
That eased the heart of him who heard,
One glance most kind
That fell like sunshine where it went —
Then you may count that day well spent.
But if, through all the livelong day,
You’ve cheered no heart, by yea or nay —
If, through it all
You’ve nothing done that you can trace
That brought the sunshine to one face–
No act most small
That helped some soul and nothing cost —
Then count that day as worse than lost.
A Note about George Eliot
Mary Anne Evans, better known by her pen name George Eliot, was an English novelist, journalist, and translator, and one of the leading writers of the Victorian era.
Jokes: They Walk into a Bar
A five-dollar bill walks into a bar, and the bartender says, ‘Hey, this is a singles bar.’
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink—and asks what he owes. The bartender says, ‘For you, no charge.’
Three men walk into a bar. One works for Budweiser, one works for Corona, and one works for Guinness.
“What would you like?” the bartender asks the Budweiser worker.
“I’ll have a Budweiser,” says the Budweiser worker.
“And you?” the bartender asks the Corona worker.
“I’ll have a Corona,” responds the Corona worker.
“Let me guess,” the bartender says to the Guinness worker, “you’d like a Guinness?”
“No thank you,” comes the reply. “I’ll just have some water.”
“Water?” The bartender is taken aback. “Why not Guinness?”
“Because,” says the Guinness worker, “if the other two aren’t gonna have beer, I’m not gonna have it either.”
Bacon and eggs walk into a bar…
And the bartender says, “we don’t serve breakfast.”
A Gen Z kid and a boomer walk into a bar
They sit down and the Gen Z kid orders from the gluten free vegan menu and the boomer orders a T-Bone steak.
They start chatting and the Gen Z kid says that social justice issues are the biggest problem facing the world, and that the white supremacist patriarchy is a plague on society.
The boomer waves this off and says the kids these days are just too sensitive, and that he fought for civil rights in the sixties and did his part.
They go back and forth on this for a while, and finally the Gen Z kid says, “we’re just not gonna settle this. We don’t see eye to eye. You’re too old and out of touch and I’m too young and inexperienced. What we need to do is ask a Millennial with a PhD in sociology for their opinion.”
The boomer says, “that’s a great idea!” And yells, “HEY BARTENDER, C’MERE!”
I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes. If you have any jokes to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.