Every truth has two sides; it is as well to look at both, before we commit ourselves to either.
Aesop
A child asked his father, “Dad, do politicians ever tell the truth?”
The father answered, “Only when they call each other liars.”
There are only three things that tell the truth in the world
Kids, Alcoholics, and yoga pants.
The Different Son
A very elderly couple has an elegant dinner to celebrate their 75th wedding anniversary.
The old man leans forward and says softly to his wife, “Dear, there is something that I must ask you. It has always bothered me that our 10th child never quite looked like the rest of our children. Now I want to assure you that these 75 years have been the most wonderful experience I could have ever hoped for and your answer cannot take that away. But I must know, did he have a different father?”
The wife drops her head, unable to look her husband in the eye. She pauses for a moment longer and then confesses, “Yes. Yes, he did.”
The old man is very shaken. The reality of what his wife had done hit him harder than he had expected.
With a tear in his eye, he asks, “Who? Who was he? Who was the father?”
Again, the old woman drops her head, saying nothing at first as she tries to muster the courage to tell the truth to her husband.
Finally, she says, “You.”
I met a dragon face to face
Jack Prelutsky
I met a dragon face to face
the year when I was ten,
I took a trip to outer space,
I braved a pirate’s den,
I wrestled with a wicked troll,
and fought a great white shark,
I trailed a rabbit down a hole,
I hunted for a snark.
I stowed aboard a submarine,
I opened magic doors,
I traveled in a time machine,
and searched for dinosaurs,
I climbed atop a giant’s head,
I found a pot of gold,
I did all this in books I read
when I was ten years old.
Some Dad Jokes
Why do Dads take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?
In case they get a hole in one.
I slept like a log last night.
Woke up in the fireplace!
Why did the mobile phone go for an eye test?
Because it lost its contacts!
Dora Diller
Jack Prelutsky
‘My stomach’s full of butterflies!’
lamented Dora Diller.
Her mother sighed. ‘That’s no surprise,
you ate a caterpillar!’
The Hairdresser
A New York woman was at her eastside hairdresser’s getting her hair styled prior to a trip to Rome. She mentioned her upcoming trip, and he responded, “Rome? Rome? Why would anyone want to go to Rome? It’s crowded, it’s dirty, and worse yet, it’s full of Italians! You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”
“We’re flying out on Continental,” she replied. “We got a great rate!”
“Continental?” exclaimed the hairdresser. “That’s a terrible airline! Their planes are old, the attendants are ugly, and they’re always late! Where are you staying in Rome?”
“We’ll be staying at this exclusive little place over on Rome’s left side called “Palatza.”
“Phewww! Say no more! I know that place! What a dump! Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it’s really the worst! The rooms are small, the service surly and it’s overpriced! So, what are you going to be doing when you’re there?”
“We’re going to the Vatican and hope to see the Pope.”
“Ha! That’s rich!” laughed the hairdresser. “You and another million people! Good luck on this lousy trip of yours!”
A month later, the woman returns for her next appointment. She is all smiles.
“So,” the hairdresser asks, “How was Rome?”
“Absolutely wonderful!” replied the woman, “Not only did we arrive on time on one of Continental’s brand new jets, but it was overbooked, and we got upgraded to first class. The food, wine, and service were excellent!’ AND, the hotel had just spent over five million dollars in renovation! It was a real jewel, the finest in the city!”
“Well,” muttered the hairdresser, I know you didn’t get to see the Pope.”
“Actually,” the woman said, “as we toured the Vatican, one of the Swiss Guards tapped me on the shoulder and explained that often the Pope likes to meet some visitors personally and if I’d be so kind as to step into his private waiting room, the Pope would personally meet me. Sure enough, not five minutes later, the Holy Father walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down, and he spoke a few words to me.”
“Really?” exclaimed the hairdresser. “What did he say?”
“He said: Where did you get that lousy hairdo?”
The Fine Art of Baloney Detection
We hear so many different things in the news and on social networks that it is tough to discern what is true or false. Carl Sagan wrote a book in 1996 that is still meaningful today. In his book “The Demon-Haunted World, Science as a Candle in the Dark,” he has a chapter called “The Fine Art of Baloney Detection.” Sagan describes how scientists are equipped with tools and techniques that protect them from the penetration of falsehoods. He says:
“The kit is brought out as a matter of course whenever new ideas are offered for consideration. If the new idea survives examination by the tools in our kit, we grant it warm, although tentative, acceptance. If you’re so inclined, if you don’t want to buy baloney even when it’s reassuring to do so, there are precautions that can be taken; there’s a tried-and-true, consumer-tested method.”
Here are some examples of how to handle baloney:
Appeal to Ignorance — the claim that whatever has not been proved false must be true, and vice versa e.g., There is no compelling evidence that UFOs are not visiting the Earth; therefore, UFOs exist — and there is intelligent life elsewhere in the Universe. Or: There may be seventy kazillion other worlds, but not one is known to have the moral advancement of the Earth, so we’re still central to the Universe. This impatience with ambiguity can be criticized in the phrase: “Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.”
Argument from Authority, e.g., It was said that President Richard Nixon should be re-elected because he had a secret plan to end the war in Southeast Asia — but because it was secret, there was no way for the electorate to evaluate it on its merits; the argument amounted to trusting him because he was President: a mistake, as it turned out. I guess we shouldn’t drink Clorox.
Misunderstanding of the Nature of Statistics, e.g., President Dwight Eisenhower expressing astonishment and alarm on discovering that fully half of all Americans have below-average intelligence. I wonder if he realized that the other half are above average intelligence.
Excluded Middle, or False Dichotomy — considering only the two extremes in a continuum of intermediate possibilities (e.g., “Sure, take his side; my husband’s perfect; I’m always wrong.” Or: “Either you love your country, or you hate it.” Or: “If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem”). I think we have all been there.
Finding the truth is a challenging exercise. But if we used these tools, it would help us get through the political rhetoric that comes at us from the right and left. Carl Sagan ends the chapter with this disclaimer:
“Like all tools, the baloney detection kit can be misused, applied out of context, or even employed as a rote alternative to thinking. But applied judiciously, it can make all the difference in the world — not least in evaluating our own arguments before we present them to others.”
I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes. If you have any jokes to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.
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