Technical Jokes and Cartoons Jokes – 102

Random Facts

• All the C’s in “Pacific Ocean” are pronounced differently.
• Octopi have blue blood. This is due to their blood containing copper, as opposed to human blood, which contains iron.

• Dictionaries add words not because of worthiness but because of vernacular
  • If people use the word, then people need to have a way to look it up. It doesn’t matter if you like the word “crunk” or not
• The longest (English) word you can type using only the left side of the keyboard is “stewardesses”. On the right it’s “lollipop”.
• One horse has around 15 horsepower
• Flamingos aren’t born pink. They get the color from their diet of shrimp.
• The White Starline built three similar ships, the Titanic (We know that one), the Britannic, and the Olympic. All three ships sank. But the remarkable fact is that there was a woman [Violet Jessop], who was on all three ships when they sank and survived it all.
• A one-pound mixture of U.S. dimes, quarters, and half-dollars will always have a face value of $20, no matter the ratio of dimes to quarters to half-dollars.
• By the time the big pyramids were built in Egypt, there were still mammoths alive in northern Siberia.

The Genius of Steven Wright:

1 – I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2 – Borrow money from pessimists — they don’t expect it back.

3 – Half the people you know are below average.

4 – 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

5 – 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.

6 – A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7 – A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 – If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.

9 – All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.

10 – The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 – I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ….. But she left me before we met.

Some Random Thoughts

When a woman says, “What?” It’s not because she didn’t hear you. She’s giving you a chance to change what you said.

Dear life, when I asked if my day could get worse, it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Never in the history of calming down has anyone calmed down by being told to calm down.

I was called “pretty” today! Well, actually, the full message was, “You’re pretty annoying.” But I only focus on the positive things.

I came, I saw, I forgot what I was doing, retraced my steps, got distracted on my way back, have no idea what’s going on, and now I have to pee…

I have done some really terrible things for money, like getting up early and going to work.

My husband and I don’t want children. It was a difficult decision. We’re telling them tonight. I hope they understand.

I’m going to be the life of the party as long as it ends by 8 pm.

A Poem

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy Evening

Robert Frost – 1874-1963

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