What’s the most terrifying word in nuclear physics?
“I was studying frequency in my physics class. Now my brain Hertz.”
Where does bad light end up?
Why is electricity an ideal citizen?
Because it conducts itself so well.
Physics is the science where it takes long, complicated equations to explain why round balls roll.
I poured root beer in a square glass.
Now I just have beer.
A man meets up with a friend while walking their dogs in the park. They haven’t seen each other in a while so they decide to go to lunch at the new French restaurant in town.
Just before entering the restaurant, the 1st man puts on his very dark sunglasses and asks the maître d’ for a table.
“Ah, monsieur, we cannot possibly seat you with that dog!” says the maître d’ , “He will have to wait outside.”
The 1st man quickly points to his glasses, gestures to his dog and replies, “Ah, this German Shepard is my seeing eye dog. I’m sure you understand.”
“But of course! Right this way!” apologized the maître d’ .
The second man gets the hint and puts *his* sunglasses on and when the maître d’ returns, he asks to be seated with his friend. The maître d’ again says, “Ah, monsieur, we cannot possibly seat you with that dog! He will have to wait outside.”
Confidently pointing to his dog and his glasses, the second man states, “But this dog is my seeing eye dog!”
The maître d’ with a suspicious look on his face peers down at the dog and asks, “A chihuahua for a seeing eye dog?”
Without missing a beat, the second man throws his hands up and cries, “They gave me a chihuahua?!!!!”
Some Physics Definitions:
Relativity: When the family gets together.
Black holes: What you get in black socks.
Critical mass: A big group of film reviewers.
Hyperspace: Where you park at the superstore.
Some Things to Think About
- Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
- How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
- England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
- I tried to catch some fog, but I mist
- They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
- I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
- I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I’d never met herbivore.
- When chemists die, they barium.
What is the difference between an optometrist and an Optimist?
- I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
- Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
- Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn’t control her pupils?
- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- Broken pencils are pointless.
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
- I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- Velcro – what a rip off!
- Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
It’s Fine Today
By Douglas Malloch
Sure, this world is full of trouble
I ain’t said it ain’t.
Lord, I’ve had enough and double
Reason for complaint;
Rain and storm have come to fret me,
Skies are often gray;
Thorns and brambles have beset me
On the road — but say,
Ain’t it fine today?
What’s the use of always weepin’,
Making trouble last?
What’s the use of always keepin’
Thinkin’ of the past?
Each must have his tribulation —
Water with his wine;
Life, it ain’t no celebration,
Trouble? — I’ve had mine —
But today is fine!
It’s today that I am livin’,
Not a month ago.
Havin’; losin’; takin’; givin’;
As time wills it so.
Yesterday a cloud of sorrow
Fell across the way,
It may rain again tomorrow,
It may rain — but say,
Ain’t it fine today?
I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes. If you have any witticisms to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.