Adam is in the Garden of Eden and is feeling lonely. So he asks God for someone to share his existence.
God answers, “of course, I can create a being that will support you no matter what you do, provide for you, and never argue.”
Adam is excited and asks, “that sounds perfect; what will it cost me?”
“An arm and a leg”
“….what can I get for a rib?”
Neighbors
“My internet went down yesterday. I think my cheap neighbor forgot to pay the bill. How irresponsible.”
“My neighbor would play his trumpet at night, so I changed my Wi-Fi name to ‘I can hear you.’ He changed his to ‘I know.'”
Neighbors: The only people who listen to both sides of an argument.
“So I asked my neighbor if he could help me figure out what DIY means. He said, ‘Do it yourself.’ That wasn’t helpful.”
Some Interesting Observations
Nothing spoils a good story than an eyewitness.
-Mark Twain
“I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”
― Douglas Adams, The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
“Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance, you must keep moving.”
― Albert Einstein
Don’t Just
Don’t just learn, experience.
Don’t just read, absorb.
Don’t just change, transform.
Don’t just relate, advocate.
Don’t just promise, prove.
Don’t just criticize, encourage.
Don’t just think, ponder.
Don’t just take, give.
Don’t just see, feel.
Don’t just dream, do.
Don’t just hear, listen.
Don’t just talk, act.
Don’t just tell, show.
Don’t just exist, live.”
― Roy T. Bennett, The Light in the Heart
Some Different Thoughts
Roses are red
That much is true
but violets are purple
Not freakin’ blue
If it walks like a duck and talks like a duck
You’re drunk. Ducks don’t talk
Coming soon: Star Wars 12
Luke Needs a Walker
Killing them with kindness is taking much longer than I expected.
Mary had a little lamb
And the doctor nearly fainted
To err is human. To blame it on someone else shows management potential
I used to live a hand-to-mouth existence.
Then somebody told me about silverware.
A horse walks into a bar and orders a pint
The bartender says, ” you’re in here a lot. Do you think you might be an alcoholic? ” The horse says, “I don’t think I am, ” and promptly vanishes from existence.
See, this was a joke about Descartes’ famous philosophical statement, ” I think; therefore I am.” I could have mentioned that initially, but that would have been putting Descartes before the horse.
When I was a teenager I worked as a bag boy in a southern supermarket (Publix). As one of the busiest stores, we were chosen to test making freshly squeezed juice in the store at customers’ request. As a social person, this sounded like a pretty cool job, so I asked my manager if I could get some shifts on the juice machine. Unfortunately, it wasn’t possible because baggers can’t be juicers
There’s a kitchen appliance knocking at my door…
I’ll let that sink in.
How do you know a man is a programmer?
Send him shopping and tell him: “Get a loaf of bread, and if they have eggs get 10.”
If he comes back with ten loaves of bread, he’s a programmer.
Be The Best Of Whatever You Are
By Douglas Malloch
If you can’t be a pine on the top of the hill,
Be a scrub in the valley — but be
The best little scrub by the side of the rill;
Be a bush if you can’t be a tree.
If you can’t be a bush be a bit of the grass,
And some highway happier make;
If you can’t be a muskie then just be a bass —
But the liveliest bass in the lake!
We can’t all be captains, we’ve got to be crew,
There’s something for all of us here,
There’s big work to do, and there’s lesser to do,
And the task you must do is the near.
If you can’t be a highway, then just be a trail,
If you can’t be the sun, be a star;
It isn’t by size that you win or you fail —
Be the best of whatever you are!
I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes. If you have any anecdotes to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.