Actually many of these jokes are not really technical, but us tech guys think they’re funny…
Answering machine message,
“I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep.
If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”
Some more puns:
… He had a photographic memory which was never developed.
… When she saw her first strands of grey hair she thought she’d dye.
… Acupuncture is a jab well done. That’s the point of it.
… Those who get too big for their pants will be exposed in the end.
An old man named Steve received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to ‘clean up’ the bird’s vocabulary. No matter what he did, the bird would repeat over and over, “Your golf game sucks.”
Finally, Steve was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. Steve shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. Steve, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, Steve quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto Steve’s outstretched arms and said “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior.”
Steve was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly, “May I ask what the turkey did?”
My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.
COMPUTER TERMS – Translation for New York State (the northern part)
LOG ON: Making a wood stove hotter.
LOG OFF: Don’t add no more wood.
MONITOR: Keeping an eye on the wood stove.
DOWNLOAD: Gettin’ the firewood off the truck
MEGA HERTZ: When yer not careful gettin’ the firewood
HARD DRIVE: Gettin’ home in the winter time
PROMPT: What the mail ain’t in the winter time
WINDOWS: What to shut when it’s cold outside
SCREEN: What to shut when it’s black fly season
BYTE: What them dang flies do
CHIP: Munchies fer the TV
MICRO CHIP: What’s in the bottom of the munchie bag
MODEM: Whatcha did to the hay fields
LAP TOP: Where the kitty sleeps
KEYBOARD: Where ya hang the dang truck keys
MOUSE: What eats the grain in the barn
MOUSE PAD: That’s hippie talk fer the mouse hole
MAIN FRAME: Holds up the barn roof
Hope you like these. If you know any other jokes, just let me know. If you need help with your keyboard, mouse, and windows don’t call me. But, if you need help with your security systems we’re here to help.