A young driver became lost in a snowstorm. The teenager didn’t panic, however, because he remembered what his dad had once told him. “If you ever get stuck in a snowstorm, just wait for a snowplow to come by and follow it.”
Sure enough, pretty soon, a snowplow came by, and
he started to follow it. He followed the plow for about forty-five minutes.
Finally, the driver of the truck got out and
asked the teen what he was doing. And he explained that his dad had told him if
he ever got stuck in a snowstorm, to
follow a plow. The driver nodded and said, “Well, I’m done with the Wal-Mart parking lot, do you want to follow me
over to Best Buy now?”
A guy is late for an important meeting, but he can’t find a place to park. In desperation, he begins to pray. “Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!” A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance. “Never mind. Found one!”
Jokes from Old Comedians
My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, “Cough!”
“Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?” The doctor says, “Limp!”
I changed my iPod’s name to Titanic. It’s syncing now.
I don’t enjoy computer jokes. Not one bit.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
The teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading.
After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked, “Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude…?”
After a confused silence, a voice volunteered, “I guess you’d be eating alone.”
I know a guy who’s addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
What do Alexander the Great and Winnie the Pooh have in common?
They both have the same middle name.
A man walks into a bar and sits on a stool. After being served a beer, the bartender leaves the bar and goes into the back room. The man is alone in the bar, sipping his beer when he hears, “You’re looking pretty good. Have you been working out?” The man looks around and doesn’t see anyone.
He turns back to his beer and hears the voice again, “That’s a nice shirt. It goes well with your pants.” Again the man looks around and doesn’t see anyone.
When the bartender returns to the bar, the man says, “The funniest damned thing has been going on. Someone seems to be talking to me, but I can’t see anyone.
“Oh that,” says the bartender. “It’s the peanuts. They’re complimentary.”