Why are cats bad storytellers?
Because they only have one tail.
If it’s raining cats and dogs. Don’t step in the poodles.
Cat’s ears are designed to allow the human voice to go in one ear and out the other.
Why can’t humans hear dog whistles?
Because dogs can’t whistle.
Cat puns freak meowt
Seriously, I’m not kitten.
I dressed the dog as a cat for Halloween.
Now he won’t come when I call.
Why do flamingos stand on one leg?
Because if they pulled up the other leg, they’d fall over.
We thought the ark wasn’t leaving until 5 pm!
– The Unicorns
How many cats can you get in an empty box?
Only one. After that, the box isn’t empty.
If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?
Why do fish sing off-key?
Because you can’t tuna fish.
What do you get if you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster?
A cocker poodle doo
My boss was honest with me today. He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, “Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year.”
My girlfriend and I are trying this whole “long-distance relationship” thing.
I must stay 100 feet away from her at all times. Also, the police say I should stop referring to her as my girlfriend.
A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, “I hope you die a long, slow, painful death.”
He turned around and said, “So, you want me to stay?”
One day, scientists discussed the possibility of sending a human-crewed mission to Mars. They were arguing over who should be the first person to go when suddenly, a genie appeared.
The genie said, “I have been watching your discussion and am impressed with your scientific knowledge. I will grant each of you one wish, but it must be related to science.”
The first scientist said, “I wish to be the first person to walk on Mars!” The genie granted his wish, and he disappeared in a puff of smoke.
The second scientist said, “I wish to discover the cure for cancer!” The genie granted his wish, and he, too, disappeared.
The third scientist thought for a moment and said, “I wish to understand women.” The genie paused for a long time and said, “So, how about a round trip to Mars instead?”
Three dinosaurs are running across the desert when they stumble upon a magic lamp.
They rub it, and a genie appears.
“I have three wishes, so I’ll give one to each of you,” the genie announces.
The first dinosaur thinks hard.
“Alright,” he says, “I’ll have a big, juicy, piece of meat.”
Instantly, the biggest, juiciest piece of meat he’d ever seen appears in front of him.
Not to be outdone, the second dinosaur thinks even harder.
“I know! I’ll have a shower of meat!”
Immediately, huge pieces of meat rain down around him.
The third dinosaur, certainly not to be outdone, thinks harder than the previous dinosaurs.
“I’ve got it!” he cries, “I want a MEATIER shower!”
“Hope” is the thing with feathers
“Hope” is the thing with feathers –
That perches in the soul –
And sings the tune without the words –
And never stops – at all –
And sweetest – in the Gale – is heard –
And sore must be the storm –
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm –
I’ve heard it in the chillest land –
And on the strangest Sea –
Yet – never – in Extremity,
It asked a crumb – of me.
I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes. If you have any anecdotes to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.