Some Bar Jokes
The past, present, and future walk into a bar.
It was tense.
An amnesiac walks into a bar.
He goes up to a beautiful blonde and says, “So, do I come here often?”
A screwdriver rolls into a bar.
The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!”
The screwdriver squeals, “You have a drink named Philip??”
Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar.
The first says, “I’ll have a beer.”
The second says, “I’ll have half a beer.”
The third says, “I’ll have a quarter of a beer.”
Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. “Come on, now,” he says to the group, “You guys have got to learn your limits.”
More Crazy Driving Rules Around the Country
In Anchorage, it’s illegal to tie a dog to the roof of a car.
In Little Rock, it’s against the law to honk your horn after 9 p.m. “at any place where cold drinks and/or sandwiches are served.”
It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle – unless your target is a whale.
It can be illegal for a woman to drive while wearing a bathrobe.
It’s illegal to drive in circles in Westminster, or, more specifically, to drive “past a traffic control point three times in the same direction within any three-hour period.”
In Marietta, it’s illegal to spit from a car or bus. Spitting from a truck, however, is perfectly fine.
You can claim roadkill, so long as you don’t owe child support.
In Tiffin, you’re prohibited from throwing stones, bricks, or missiles of any kind into the street – unless you get written permission first.
You cannot use profanity on any street, highway or sidewalk. Doing so will cost you up to $100.
In Minnetonka, it can be illegal to have dirty tires or wheels.
You are not allowed to leave your keys in your car in University City.
It’s illegal to have a sheep in your truck without a chaperone.
Don’t let your sprinkler get the street wet in Kalispell – it’s against the law.
Camels are prohibited from walking on public highways.
In Youngstown, running out of gas is a misdemeanor.
Cincinnati taxi drivers can only wear shorts from May 16 through Labor Day.
In Hilton Head, it’s illegal to accumulate garbage in your car.
It’s against the law to hug someone while you’re driving.
Hug O’ War
By Shel Silverstein
I will not play at tug o’ war.
I’d rather play at hug o’ war,
Where everyone hugs
Instead of tugs.
Quotes for Today
Issac Asimov (1920 – 1992) was an American writer best known as a science fiction writer. He was also a professor of biochemistry at Boston University. Here are some of the things he said.
There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that “my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.”
“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”
In the 1980s, Asimov noted the following.
“There is a cult of ignorance in the United States, and there has always been. The strain of anti-intellectualism has been a constant thread winding its way through our political and cultural life, nurtured by the false notion that democracy means that “my ignorance is just as good as your knowledge.”
We still find that “There is no belief, however foolish, that will not gather its faithful adherents who will defend it to the death.
Unfortunately, with all our hopes about the future, Society is still the same as at the beginning of history.
I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes. If you have any witticisms to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.