A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside except for a pet dog he had for a long time. The dog finally died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest, saying, “Father, the dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?”
Father Patrick told the farmer, “No, we can’t have services for an animal in the church, but I’ll tell you what, there’s a new denomination down the road apiece, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they’ll do something for the animal.”
Muldoon said, “I’ll go right now. By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?”
Father Patrick replied, “Why didn’t you tell me the dog was Catholic.”
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime?
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors?
If a cow laughed really hard, would milk come out her nose?
If nothing ever sticks to Teflon, how do they make Teflon stick to the pan?
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
How do you know when it’s time to tune your bagpipes?
Is it true that cannibals don’t eat clowns because they taste funny?
Does ‘virgin wool’ come from sheep the shepherd hasn’t caught yet?
If the front of your car says ‘DODGE’, do you really need a horn?
What do sheep count when they can’t get to sleep?
Is grass really greener on the other side?
Do boxer shorts box?
Why do you wear a pair of panties and only one bra?
If you wear an antenna to a wedding, would the reception be better?
Why is abbreviated such a long word?
Two cowboys were riding through a canyon and from far off they heard the sound of drumming.
One of them said, “I don’t like the sound of those drums.” And a distant voice called out “He’s not our regular drummer!”
Once upon a time, in a land far, far away
there were two evil friars living outside this small village. The friars had tried unsuccessfully to overtake and capture the town, but finally, this time, they believed they had hit upon a foolproof scheme that would allow them to rule the village. Through mad scientist experiments in their floral shop, they had come up with a plant that would devour the townspeople one by one until none were left. They set forth to put their plan into action by planting the man-eating plants, so they encircled the village.
As the plants rapidly grew, they began devouring everything living in their path. The townspeople grew frightened; who or what would save them from their eminent doom? Finally, the town elders remembered Hugh, a woodcutter living on the town’s outskirts. Frantically, the townspeople penned a desperate plea for help, tied it to a pigeon’s leg, and directed the bird toward Hugh’s cabin.
Meanwhile, outside of town, Hugh had received the note from the townspeople and, realizing they were in grave danger, set forth to do what he needed to do. He honed his mightiest axe to razor-sharpness, grabbed his hat, and off he went.
He chopped his way through the dense vines and single-handedly destroyed the carnivorous plants until all were destroyed. Then he set out to rid the village of the evil friars, chasing them out of town. The town was saved!!! The people rejoiced and knighted Hugh for his brave and timely efforts to save the village!!!
And the moral of the story is:
Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.
A man walks into a gastroenterologist’s office and stops to stand just at the edge of the seating area. The receptionist waits for him to approach, but he fidgets uncomfortably, staring at the wooden seats between himself and the counter. “Sir, why don’t you come over here so we can get you checked in?” says the receptionist.
“That’s why I’m here,” he says, “I have difficulty passing stools.”
I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes. If you have any anecdotes to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.
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