A husband and wife go to a marriage counselor for the first time…As soon as they sit down, the wife starts complaining about the husband.
“He never cleans up, he never cooks for the family, and he doesn’t say he loves me enough…”
The wife continues to complain until the counselor finally stands up and tells the wife to stop.
He then says,
“Stand up and walk over to me.”
As soon as she walks over, the counselor grabs her tightly and kisses her passionately.
He then looks over to the husband and says,
“See? That’s all she needs 2-3 times a week to be happy.”
The husband laughs excitedly and says,
“That’s great, doc! I can drop her off every Monday and Wednesday.”
Some Engineering Jokes
Looking for a boyfriend in engineering: the odds are good, but the goods are odd.
How do you get an engineer to do something you want them to do? Tell them it’s “impossible.”
“When I wrote this code, only me and God knew how it works. Now only God knows…” (This is a constant problem in programming. Every manager tells their programmers to document their code. Every programmer never listens.)
You know I hate engineering students sometimes. For example, I hate it when engineering students call themselves engineers like you don’t hear med students calling themselves doctors or art students calling themselves unemployed.
You might be an engineer if… If you’ve used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
What’s the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons; civil engineers build targets.
Here are some paraprosdokians
A paraprosdokian is a sentence or statement with an unexpected ending. It means “against expectations” in Greek
Will glass coffins be a success?
Remains to be seen.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a zippo?
One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu – you get what you deserve.
I went to buy some camouflage trousers yesterday, but couldn’t find any.
What do you call a bee that can’t make up its mind?
A maybe.
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
Is it ignorance or apathy that’s destroying the world today?
I don’t know and don’t really care.
A fifteen-year-old Amish boy and his father were in a mall.
They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, “What is this Father?”
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, “Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don’t know what it is.”
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a fat old lady in a wheelchair moved up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, and the lady rolled between them into a small room.
The walls closed, and the boy and his father watched the small numbers above the walls light up sequentially.
They continued to watch until it reached the last number, and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order.
Finally, the walls opened up again and a gorgeous 24-year-old blonde stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son…
“Go get your mother.”
Some Other Thoughts
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
It’s probably why I got run over.
What time is it?
I don’t know. It keeps changing.
What do you call a person with a briefcase in a tree?
Branch manager.
What do we call a crying sister?
A crisis.
The rotation of the earth really makes my day.
The Road Not Taken
Robert Frost 1874-1963
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I hope you liked these cartoons and jokes. If you have any anecdotes to contribute, please let me know. Thanks.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.