I changed my password to “incorrect”. So whenever I forget what it is the computer will say “Your password is incorrect”.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
We just got a fax. At work. We didn’t know we had a fax machine. The entire department just stared at it. I poked it with a stick.
Tonight’s Procrastinators Anonymous meeting has been postponed to tomorrow.
The trouble with jogging is, that by the time you realize you’re not in shape, it’s too far to walk back.
Wifi went down during family dinner tonight. One kid started talking and I didn’t know who he was.
I’ve told you all a million times not to exaggerate!
Teamwork is important; it helps to put the blame on someone else.
I saw a bank that said ‘24 Hour Banking,’ but I don’t have that much time.
I got an odd-job man in. He was useless. Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five and seven.
A Ford dealership mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of a V8 when he spotted a well-known cardiologist in his workshop. The doctor was there waiting for the service manager to come and take a look at his car, when the mechanic shouted across the garage, “Hey doc, do you want to take a look at this?”
The cardiologist, a bit surprised, walked over to where the mechanic was working.
The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,
“So doc, look at this engine. I opened its heart, took the valves out, repaired and replaced anything damaged, and then put everything back in and when I was finished, it worked just like new. So how is it that I make $48,000 a year and you make $1.7 million when you and I are doing basically the same work?”
The cardiologist paused, leaned over and whispered to the mechanic:
“Try doing it with the engine running!”
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