If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
Right now, I’m having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I think I’ve forgotten this before.
You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
Just because nobody complains doesn’t mean all parachutes are perfect.
A chemistry joke:
What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?
A: 2 Na fish.
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
How much room does it take for fungi to grow?
As mushrooms as possible.
Two pirates, Jack and Pete, meet in a bar. Jack has a patch over one eye, a hook for a hand, and a wooden peg leg. “Ye gads, matey,” says Pete. “What happened to ya?”
Jack says, “Me pirate ship was attacked, and a lucky shot lopped off me leg. So now I got me a wooden peg.”
“And yer hand?” asks Pete.
“When me ship sank, a shark bit me hand off. So now I got me a hook.”
“OK, but what’s with the eye patch?”
“I was standin’ on a dock, and the biggest seagull I ever saw poops right in me eye.”
“But ya don’t go blind from no seagull poop.”
“True,” says Jack. “But it was me first day with the hook.”
A skeleton walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “What’ll you have?” The skeleton says, “Gimme a beer and a mop.”
Darling, you’ve always been with me on life’s long, bumpy ride.
Through sickness, hair loss, bankruptcy,
You’ve been here by my side.
My heart attack and the house burning down,
That night the lightning struck.
And liver cancer—and now suddenly,
I’m starting to think that you’re bad luck.
A grasshopper walks into a bar and the bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you.”
The grasshopper says, “Really? In that case, give me a Kyle!”
Hope you enjoyed these jokes and cartoons. Send me an email if you would like to contribute.