A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.
However, the boy is very small, and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.
After watching the boy’s efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy’s position.
He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child’s shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a sold ring.
Crouching down to the child’s level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, “And now what, my little man?”
To which the boy replies, “Now we run like Hell!”
Q: What breakfast cereal does Frosty the Snowman eat?
Q: Where does the snowman hide his money?
A: In the snow bank.
Q: What do you get when you cross a Christmas tree with an apple?
A: A pineapple!
One day a mailman was greeted by a boy and a huge dog. The mailman said to the boy, “does your dog bite?” “No,” replied the boy.
Just then the huge dog bit the mailman.
The man yelled, “I thought your dog doesn’t bite!”
“He doesn’t,” replied the boy, “that’s not my dog!”
Two men are drinking in a bar at the top of the Empire State Building. One turns to the other and says: “You know last week I discovered that if you jump from the top of this building by the time you fall to the tenth floor, the winds around the building are so intense that they carry you around the building and back into the window.”
The bartender just shakes his head in disapproval while wiping the bar.
The 2nd Man says: “What are you a nut? There is no way that could happen.”
1st Man: “No it’s true let me prove it to you.” So he gets up from the bar, jumps over the balcony, and careens to the street below. When he passes the tenth floor, the high wind whips him around the building and back into the tenth-floor window and he takes the elevator back up to the bar.
The 2nd Man tells him: “You know I saw that with my own eyes, but that must have been a one time fluke.”
1st Man: “No, I’ll prove it again” and again he jumps and hurtles toward the street where the tenth-floor wind gently carries him around the building and into the window. Once upstairs he urges his fellow drinker to try it.
2nd Man: “Well what the hell, it works, I’ll try it.” he jumps over the balcony, plunges downward, passes the eleventh, tenth, ninth, eighth floors… and hits the sidewalk with a ‘splat.’
Back upstairs the Bartender turns to the other drinker: “You know, Superman, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk.”
What did the electrical engineer say when he got shocked? That hertz.
What did the tectonic plates say to each other after the earthquake? It’s not my fault man!
What did the structural engineer say to the architect? Nice buttress.
More from Steven Wright
If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the precipitate.
What’s another word for Thesaurus?
When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I’m leaving.
I spilled spot remover on my dog. Now he’s gone.
You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?
I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don’t know what to feed it.
I still have my Christmas Tree. I looked at it today. Sure enough, I couldn’t see any forests.
If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?
Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, “what for?”
Hope you found these fun. Send me your jokes for the next newsletter. Thanks.
Regarding all these jokes and cartoons, no copyright infringement is intended. The content is only for your enjoyment.