What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.
Two policemen (Constable Ken and Bob) call the station on the radio.
“Hello. Is this the Sarge?”
“Yes?”
“We have a case here. A woman has shot her husband for stepping on the floor she had just mopped clean.”.
“Have you arrested the woman?”
“No sir. The floor is still wet.”
You may have to think about this one …
A wife asks her husband, a software engineer…
“Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk, and if they have eggs, get 6!” A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk. The wife asks him, “Why the hell did you buy 6 cartons of milk?” He replied, “They had eggs.”
How to Tell a Real Engineer
Real Engineers buy their spouses a set of matched screwdrivers for their birthday.
Real Engineers say “It’s 77 degrees Fahrenheit, 25 degrees Celsius, and 298 Kelvin” and all you say is “Isn’t it a nice day?”
Real Engineers know how to take the cover off of their computer, and are not afraid to do it.
Real Engineers sometimes have a note pinned to them saying “Don’t offer me a ride today. I drove my own car”.
Real Engineers don’t find the above at all funny.
Jar of Rocks
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a large empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2″ in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. “Now,” said the professor, “I want you to recognize that this is your life. The rocks are the important things – your family, your partner, your health, your children – things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff.”
“If you put the sand into the jar first, there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal.”
“Take care of the rocks first – the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
But then… an engineering student then took the jar which the other students and the professor agreed was full, and proceeded to pour in a glass of beer. Of course the beer filled the remaining spaces within the jar making the jar truly full.
The moral of this tale is: no matter how full your life is, there is always room for BEER.
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