Tag: technical cartoons

Technical Jokes and Cartoons-51

A guy is late for an important meeting, but he can’t find a place to park. In desperation, he begins to pray. “Please Lord, if you help me find a parking stall right now, I promise to go to church every Sunday and never drink vodka again!” A moment later, he sees a beautiful empty spot right next to the entrance. “Never mind. Found one!”


Jokes from Old Comedians

Henry Youngman

My doctor grabbed me by the wallet and said, “Cough!”

“Doctor, my leg hurts. What can I do?” The doctor says, “Limp!”

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons-50

cartoon-Harris-limit of universe

I used to be allergic to soap but I’m clean now.

The patron saint of poverty is St. Nickeless.

What did the man say when the bridge fell on him? The suspension is killing me.

Do you have weight loss mantras? Fat chants!

My tailor is happy to make a new pair of pants for me. Or sew it seams.

Here is some advice from Phyllis Diller (a comedian from many years ago):

Whatever you may look like, try to marry a man your own age because as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Housework can’t kill you, but why take a chance?

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons-49

Cartoon Harris- Black-Holes

A man was sitting reading his papers when his wife hit him in the head with a frying pan.

‘What was that for?’ the man asked. The wife replied,

‘That was for the piece of paper with the name Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket’.

The man then said ‘When I was at the races last week, Jenny was the name of the horse I bet on.’ The wife apologized and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious. Upon regaining consciousness, the man asked why she had hit again.

Wife replied. ‘Your horse phoned’

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons 47

Cartoon Brain-Full

Wi-Fi went down during family dinner tonight. One of the kids started talking and I didn’t know who she was.

Don’t you hate it when you pack the family into the VR room for some recreational virtual time travel, and the damn kids keep asking, “Are we then yet?”

My email password has been hacked. That’s the third time I’ve had to rename the cat.

I assert dominance over millennials by responding to their texts with phone calls.

What’s the difference between a lawyer and a jellyfish? One is a spineless, poisonous blob. The other is a form of sea life.

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons 46

Comments from George Carlin

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, “Where’s the self-help section?” She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

If we could just find out who’s in charge, we could kill him.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.

Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 45


If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn’t much, but the reception was excellent.

A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything.”

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons-27

How to translate responses from your boss:

I’ll look into it.  =   I’ve already forgotten about it.

I tried my best.  =   I did the bare minimum.

Happy to discuss further.  = Don’t ask me about this again.

No worries. = You really messed up this time.

Take care. = This is the last you’ll ever hear from me.

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons-24

Things that Started the Fight:

I took my wife to a restaurant.

The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.

“I’ll have the rump steak, rare, please.”

He said, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?”

“Nah, she can order for herself.”

And that’s when the fight started….

My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.

She asked, “What’s on TV?”

I said, “Dust.”

And then the fight started…

One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, I didn’t buy her a gift.

When she asked me why, I replied,

“Well, you still haven’t used the gift I bought you last year!”

And that’s how the fight started….

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons – 21

A guy goes ice fishing for the very first time. All of a sudden, he hears a voice. “There are no fish under the ice!”

He ignores it and moves to another area, cuts a hole, and tosses his line in. Again, he hears the booming voice: “There are no fish under the ice!”

He nervously looks up and asks, “Lord? Is that you?”

“No, this is the manager of the skating rink!”

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Technical Jokes and Cartoons 19

Some comments from Stephen Wright:

If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?

If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

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